Meditations in an Emergency

1. Our Intrepid reporters

Finally the rest of the world knows what we all in Boston have known for a long time. Steve Cooper likes to ham it up for the camera.

Boston TV Reporter Knocked Down Three Times, Poked In The Face By Fence, Loses Hat, Finishes Report

Timothy Burke

In the ever-competitive world of televised hurricane coverage, reporters must go the extra step to stand out above the competition. Here's WHDH-Boston's Steve Cooper showing true resilience, falling three times (just like Jesus!) and rising again to finish his report from Plum Island. Poor Steve even gets jabbed in the face by a fence at one point. Kudos, Steve, you're the true weather dumbass. [WHDH]


2. The Internet Has Spoken

And the consensus... down with Olivia Newton-John!

Hurricane Sandy sparks 'SpongeBob' and 'Grease' web humor

The movie "Grease" was also a popular topic, given Olivia Newton-John's turn as Sandy, the goody-goody turned leather-clad smoker in the 1978 film.

One Twitter image showed Newton-John's face over a storm graphic, matched by the words "hopelessy devoted to ruining Halloween" - a play off the song "Hopelessly Devoted to You" from the movie.




3. The Few. The Proud. The Idiots

Not to be outdone by the stupid reporters, the stupid viewing public decided to get in on the action as well..

These Dudes In Atlantic City Don’t Give Any Fucks About Hurricane Sandy

Shirtless Horse-Man Jogs Through Hurricane News Coverage

Shirtless Horse Jogger Now Has A Challenger: Shirtless Unicorn Rollerblader

Washington D.C. Fox Affiliate Interviews “Zombie Pirate” For Insight On Hurricane Sandy

 

4. Fun with Photoshop

The best fake photos of Frankenstorm to freak people out on Instagram and Facebook

 

 some highlights:

 

 

And here's a shot from The Day After Tomorrow. ((David Ortiz Fell for this one and re-tweeted it))

 

 

Shit, things have really gotten bad — the floods are over and the fires and looting have started! This of course is the classic shot from Escape from New York. Apparently this actually happened at a supermarket in Brooklyn. ((Have no fear, Kurt Russel is here!))

5. Celebs on Sandy

And for this reason alone, Twitter is really one of the greatest inventions of all time..

Caviar, Cocktails, and Concern: Celebrities React to Frankenstorm on Twitter

 My personal fave?

Dr. Ruth Westheimer @AskDrRuth

If ur wearing a skirt good time to wear panties in case Sandy blows it up. Unless ur a show off.

6. Staying Safe

Probably should print this list out so you have it handy for the evening, and for the next hurricane.. if you make it till then

Hurricane Safety Tips

Hurricane season is upon us. Here are some tips to help protect you and your loved ones in the event of such a storm:
Hurricane Safety Tips

• Quickly find shelter atop nearest roof, tree or pier.
• Run through torrents of rain screaming, "I warned you all!" while clutching placards emblazoned with apocalyptic Bible verses.
• At first signs of hurricane weather, rush to Food Lion to stock up on 64-ounce containers of Ocean Spray Cranapple or Crangrape juice, just $2.79 when you present your Food Lion Supersaver card.
• At the exact center of a hurricane is an "eye" of utter tranquility. Use this safety zone as a launch window for your mission to rescue stranded astronaut Gene Hackman.
• To protect yourself from storm, build up your inner defense mechanisms by slowly retreating into state of deep denial.
• No matter how bad hurricane gets, don't let Mr. Government Man make you leave your house.
• Stay on top of situation by keeping tuned to Channel 8's SuperAtmoForecastTeam with live Doppler Radar.
• Detonating homemade bombs fashioned from gasoline and manure is dangerous even in ideal weather conditions. Steer especially clear of such detonations throughout the duration of hurricane.
• Tell your children firmly and clearly, "I'm so sorry that we're all going to die."
• Save urine in jars.
• To minimize risk of hurricane damage, avoid building vacation home atop ocean.
• Blood sacrifices have been known to appease the angry monsoon gods. If goats and chickens do not suffice, capture one of the White-Men-Who-Speak-Of-Jesus from the missionary school and dispatch him to the sky-realm of Urguta.
• Before evacuating home, coat walls and possessions with adhesive glue. Afterwards, everything will be blown into one easy-to-collect lump.
• At the height of the storm's intensity, go at it with your spouse like there's no tomorrow. Not only is it the thrill of a lifetime, but the heightened reflexes caused by your enhanced physical state will better enable both of you to survive in the event of a sudden catastrophic, explosive decompression of your home.
• Whatever happens, remember: It's not your fault..

7.  Lucky 7

Here Are The Seven Most Absurd New York Times Hurricane Headlines So Far

In order to keep readers updated on Frankenstorm safety bulletins, the New York Times has temporarily lifted its paywall for online articles. It has also temporarily lifted its policy of not posting absurd shit.

Here are the seven News-Out-of-Nothing-est headlines (most of them from the Hurricane Sandy Live Blog) to come out of Frankenstorm so far:

7. Traffic Report: Not Much
"As of 6:20 a.m., there were no reported delays at bridges and tunnels and no reports of extensive road congestion anywhere."

No news.. is not good news.. when you work in news.. hence you sometime make up the news


8.  On a side note

Rainn Wilson shows you the other side of the happiest place on earth.. (here's a hint.. it's creepy as hell)

9. Last but not least

Guess my moment of Zen came a lil late.. but either way Happy Birthday to a true American Icon. Hope the storm isn't ruining your happy lil birthday cake.

Happy Birthday, Bob Ross! Google Celebrates Artist With Doodle (PHOTOS)

Posted: 10/29/2012 10:27 am EDT Updated: 10/29/2012 10:39 am EDT

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