In case you've been living under a rock, there's been some "unrest" in the small town of Ferguson, Missouri lately.. after an unarmed black teenager was shot and killed by police. We won't go into the details of the case, but we do know this all could have been avoided if he followed these friendly pointers.. courtesy of The Onion.
With riots raging in Ferguson, MO following the shooting death by police of an unarmed African-American youth, the nation has turned its eyes toward social injustice and the continuing crisis of race relations. Here are The Onion’s tips for being an unarmed black teen in America:
Shy away from dangerous, heavily policed areas.
Avoid swaggering or any other confident behavior that suggests you are not completely subjugated.
Be
sure not to pick up any object that could be perceived by a police
officer as a firearm, such as a cell phone, a food item, or nothing.
Explain in clear and logical terms that you do not enjoy being shot, and would prefer that it not happen.
Don’t
let society stereotype you as a petty criminal. Remember that you can
be seen as so much more, from an armed robbery suspect, to a rape
suspect, to a murder suspect.
Try to see it from a police officer’s point of view: You may be unarmed, but you’re also black.
Avoid wearing clothing associated with the gang lifestyle, such as shirts and pants.
Revel in the fact that by simply existing, you exert a threatening presence over the nation’s police force.
Be as polite and straightforward as possible when police officers are kicking the shit out of you.
There's just something magical when Walter White and Pinkman get together..but they may have been upstaged a bit by old friend, Elaine in this video. Her expression when she talks about not getting recognized.. priceless. The best part, now we don't have to watch the Emmys because we've already seen the best part of it.
Every time someone does a list of the worst/insane/crappy action
figures of all time list on the internet, they include The Meat from the
Rocky toyline. As well they should; it's a terrible accessory
that's being sold as an action figure, and it's insulting. And
tragically it's still less horrible than Destroyed Cassandra.
1. Music City Recap Sorry for the interruption last week, but we were in Nashville for a wedding. Surprisingly, for a place called The Music City, I had never been. Had a great time, saw lots of musics, of course, unfortunately most of it was country. I will say, seeing it live, I did appreciate it more, but I wouldn't necessarily say I like it more. I mean, I do love this guy, whoever he is.
But any place where you can see a band in a bar at 10AM is A-OK with me.. even a place with this guy hanging on the wall.
Or this...
Not that I was drinking at 10AM, just, yknow, thats what I heard. But the best music we saw all weekend was of the Flamenco variety, when we checked out Gabriella y Rodrigo, at the historic Ryman Auditorium. Amazing venue, unbelievable acoustics, which played very well for an instrumental act featuring two (electrified) acoustic guitars.
And while most of the show was instrumental, they did throw a few covers our way in a late-set medley. If you have never heard them, definitely check them out.
But anyway, the best part of Nashville with all due respect to my man in the cowboy hat, is the food. And not just food in general, one particular item. HOT CHICKEN. Apparently, "it's a thing" down there... as I learned first hand Saturday.. and Sunday.. and again Monday on the flight back.. Yeah, it's the real deal. Esepcially at this place Hattie B's which was a block away from our hotel. Had a line out the door all day and all night, everyday. Not that I went back there enough times to know that for sure..oh wait, yes I did.
And for those of you wondering..the answer is obviously yes. Hot Chicken + Nashville Heat = Billy Redface
2. TGIF This week's GIF goes to the late, great, R Dubz.
A lot of great reads out there this week on him, obviously. But this Rolling Stone Interview from 1998 is definitely worth a peak. Taken just before Good Morning Vietnam was released, Some things I learned this week about him that I did not know.. He was a classically trained actor who studied at Julliard. Which is easy to forget when he's doing shit like this. And also helps explain how he's able to do shit like this. Great entertainer, definitely an American Icon in every sense of the word. But I have to admit, we were done professionally after Patch Adams. I will say I always had a soft spot for the Popeye movie, despite the scorn it, and he, received. I actually own it on DVD and try to watch every year or so just for old times sake. If you haven't seen it ever, or in decades, it's definitely worth a look.
3. Headline of the Week While the headline certainly tells all you need to know about this story, it's worth a click through just to see the 2nd line of the story.. because that is obviously the most pertinent information to this story.
And a close 2nd. from our Motor Boatin SOB correspondant.. Spain: Woman arrested with coke in breast implants 4. That's My Pie As a Father, this next story horrifies me. But as a human being, I think it's quite awesome.
Kids are annoying no matter how you slice it, but if they are crying their heads off and yelling "I want fucking pie!" when you're in line at a Burger King, the only natural recourse is to then buy every single pie in sight so that the kid just has to fucking deal. One man, a Gawker hero, claims on Reddit to have done just that.
In a Reddit thread labeled "offmychest," one user spins a compelling tale of buying 23 Burger King apple pies when he heard a young crybaby behind him yelling at his mother about wanting some fucking pie. What happens next will surprise and gratify you!!!!!!
It turns out it was so slow because they had 1 trainee on cash during the lunch hour rush. All I can think of is how the people behind me ruined my splurge and gave me this headache. I then decide to ruin their day. I order every pie they have left in addition to my burgers. Turned out to be 23 pies in total, I take my order and walk towards the exit. Moments later I hear the woman yelling, what do you mean you don't have any pies left, who bought them all? I turn around and see the cashier pointing me out with the woman shooting me a death glare. I stand there and pull out a pie and slowly start eating eat as I stare back at her. She starts running towards me but can't get to me because of other lineups in the food court. I turn and slowly walk away.
The man with the most pies and least crying kids in his face wins.
* * *
Of course, I'm sure after he left the BK and went directly back to his mother's basement with all those pies, and locked the door.
As someone who tried Jogging, and decided "eh, not for me" this story is pretty interesting. Perhaps I will give it another go and make my own creations. (Spoiler alert: they will be Vaginas)
Most runners I know who are not also liars acknowledge that running sucks much (okay, most) of the time. Usually, I deal with how much I hate it by complaining about it to people who really, truly do not care. But one San Francisco woman has channeled that love-hate relationship into something beautiful: using the latest in satellite-enabled exercise tracking technology and her own running feet to draw pictures of dicks.
The American hero behind Running Drawing is San Franciscan Claire Wyckoff. To be fair, some of Wykoff's Nike+ drawings are not dicks — she recently made an Atari Space Invaders character and an extended middle finger, for example — but most of them are. Dicks of all sizes. Fat dicks, skinny dicks. Dicks who climb on rocks.
Over at Uproxx, Stacey Ritzen is pretty jazzed (jizzed? Oh, god. I'm sorry) about what Wykoff's been up to, and thinks it could have beautiful ramifications for future road race course designs. She writes,
The possibilities are endless. Dick 5Ks? Cock and Balls Half Marathons? PENIS-SHAPED MEDALS? As both a runner and purveyor of fine dick humor, my head is absolutely spinning with the possibilities.
Two takeaways here: first, this is literally the only reason I'd ever use Nike+. And second, I think I want to marry Claire Wyckoff.
3. Some people report experiencing an urge to poop when visiting a bookstore
EXPAND
Photo Credit: R.T. Gonzalez
It's called the Mariko Aoki phenomenon, after the woman who first publicized it in a 1985 essay.Here's Wikipedia:
Possible theories behind the phenomena include the smell of paper or ink having a laxative effect,the association with reading on the toilet at home, and the posture of browsing making bowel movement easier. The evidence for these explanations, however, remains weak.
