Great collection of highlights of Biden's day yesterday...
What, me worry?
Oh, Lamar you silly, sunnuva bitch! Of course, I'm wasted!
P.S.. Best note from that AP story....
The use of a recording is typical in big events. In 2009, cellist Yo-Yo Ma was questioned about "hand-synching" for Obama's first inauguration. Ma said instruments weren't functioning properly in 19-degree weather.
So when your instrument isn't functioning properly you just give it a lil hand-sync... hm... are you taking notes ladies?
P.P.S... As great as that Biden/Beyonce pic is.. this one is clearly better.
"I'd like to see her fake it, too"
2. And Speaking of Internet Meme's
The FLOTUS finally gets her own! Nice job, Michelle.. I'm sure whatever Boehner was saying was well deserving of your reaction... Of course, you probably made him cry, but whatever, so does a Hallmark card.
3. Looking For A New Hobby?
Fear not! WBZ's got you covered!
4. Tour of the Century?
No, I'm not talking about Phish's upcoming 30th Anniversary Run...
New Kids on the Block, Boyz II Men, 98 Degrees to tour together
-------
"Would you like to see the package?" has never worked for me in the past.. maybe they'll have more luck with it..
5. News You Can Use
New edition of GGN out... and it just keeps getting better. Seriously, why haven't more news stations gone to this format? It would kill in the ratings! I know I'd watch... hell, I might even go back to producing!
6. While I Was Gone
Relix celebrated what would have been Janis Joplin's 70th birthday with a collection of great links.. check em out!
7. Air Travelers Do The Darnedest Things
And no, I'm not talking about the dueling, crying babies that sat in the two rows in front of me on the way back.. I'm walking about this:
((Editor's note: Editor's note in italics under each #)
10 Gross Things Flight Attendants Have Seen On Airplanes
Posted: 01/22/2013 7:00 am
I thought a career as a flight attendant would be glamorous. I signed up for that glamour eighteen years ago, but I haven't seen it yet.
I was on my second trip -- my uniform was crisp, my hair was pulled back in a perfect french twist -- when a passenger asked me if I would heat up a baby bottle. I knew just what to do. Now all I needed was a sick bag so I could fill it with hot water. I reached into a seat back pocket, grabbed a sick bag and pushed my hand inside to open it up. As I felt the warm, oatmeal consistency of its contents, the glamour ended. So much for my manicure.
You've heard about the gross things people do on airplanes. There's classics like cutting toenails, walking barefoot around the plane, changing a baby diaper on the tray table...I could go on. I hate to admit it, but these are all behaviors I see or experience as a flight attendant every time I go to work.
I recently asked some co-workers to share the grossest things they have seen throughout the years as well. Warning, the answers even shocked me! Fasten your seat belts for...
The Top Ten Gross Things Flight Attendants Have Seen Passengers Do on Airplanes:
10. Breast Pumping
A lady decided that it was appropriate to use a breast pump during boarding. She fully exposed both breasts and with just a bottle (not with a baby) did the vacuum effect on her fully exposed boob. Let me remind you this was both breasts out in the air, on a full flight, during boarding, taxi, take-off and part of cruise.
(( so... where's the gross part?))
9. Breast Milk Drippage
A few passengers notified me of something leaking from the overhead bins down onto their heads. The look on the men's faces was priceless when a woman stood up and said, "OMG....My breast milk! It's not frozen anymore and it's leaking what should I do?!"
((so.... again.. where's the gross part?))
8. Blankets and Boogers
A passenger in first class rang her call light. She handed me her blanket and asked if I could give her a new one. I was puzzled since everyone had started the flight with a fresh blanket. I looked down at the blanket and it was all wet and slimy with boogers. I felt so grossed out--like I was going to hurl--as I tossed it into a plastic bag.
((what's she supposed to do, keep using the snot-covered blanket? Now that would have been gross! Get a life, lady!))
7. Impromptu Snacking
A first class passenger picked something off his bare feet and ate it. I saw it myself.
((Well.. as long as it was within the 5-second window.. The Rule still applies))
6. Jump Seat No-No
A passenger sat down on the back galley flight attendant jump seat "waiting on the lavatory." A flight attendant told him he couldn't sit there. After I came out of the lav and sat down, we realized that he had urinated on the jump seat!
((Not his fault probably.. people take FOREVER in those bathrooms... Personally, I try to get in and out as quick as possible. It's like being stuck in a moving port-a-pottie..))
5. Pedicures
Lady using the "ped egg" on her feet. And then tried to dump her foot shavings in my trash.
((I dont know what this ped egg is.. but again, what should she have done with her "foot shavings"? Hold onto them? Isnt that what trash is for? And for the record, not sure I've ever heard a more disturbing phrase than "foot shavings." Gross. Sounds like some sort of middle-eastern dish))
4. A Little Laundry
A first class passenger took off his soggy socks and dried them by putting them over the air vent above his seat. Passengers all the way back in coach complained about the smell.
((Wow. That's ingenious! Mental Note Recorded!))
3. Lost Panties
I was helping clean the plane at one of our out-stations so we could turn the plane on time and found a pair of bloody panties in the seat pocket. This is why we wear gloves.
((Must have belonged to Curt Schilling... zing!))
2. Adult Diapers
Someone shed their humongous Depends adult diapers on the toilet seat--yep, shed like a creature shedding its sea-shell, and they were left perfectly wide open and obviously used on top of the toilet lid, for the next passenger.
((That's what we call a calling card... must have been that Illinois Enema Bandit))
1. Going No. 2
A passenger used the tissue (out of the tissue box dispenser in the restroom) to clean up after their bowel movement. They then placed the used tissues back into the tissue box. A fellow flight attendant reached into the tissue dispenser for a tissue and...discovered the issue firsthand.
(("Discovered the issue firsthand" bwahahahahahah. You know, that one is gross. But I bet that bitch attendant deserved it! Don't tell me when I can't stand up! I'm paying your salary here!))
8. Francona on Fire
More details emerging as his book hits the shelves.. here's a little write-up from the Globe.
I was on my second trip -- my uniform was crisp, my hair was pulled back in a perfect french twist -- when a passenger asked me if I would heat up a baby bottle. I knew just what to do. Now all I needed was a sick bag so I could fill it with hot water. I reached into a seat back pocket, grabbed a sick bag and pushed my hand inside to open it up. As I felt the warm, oatmeal consistency of its contents, the glamour ended. So much for my manicure.
You've heard about the gross things people do on airplanes. There's classics like cutting toenails, walking barefoot around the plane, changing a baby diaper on the tray table...I could go on. I hate to admit it, but these are all behaviors I see or experience as a flight attendant every time I go to work.
I recently asked some co-workers to share the grossest things they have seen throughout the years as well. Warning, the answers even shocked me! Fasten your seat belts for...
The Top Ten Gross Things Flight Attendants Have Seen Passengers Do on Airplanes:
10. Breast Pumping
A lady decided that it was appropriate to use a breast pump during boarding. She fully exposed both breasts and with just a bottle (not with a baby) did the vacuum effect on her fully exposed boob. Let me remind you this was both breasts out in the air, on a full flight, during boarding, taxi, take-off and part of cruise.
(( so... where's the gross part?))
9. Breast Milk Drippage
A few passengers notified me of something leaking from the overhead bins down onto their heads. The look on the men's faces was priceless when a woman stood up and said, "OMG....My breast milk! It's not frozen anymore and it's leaking what should I do?!"
((so.... again.. where's the gross part?))
8. Blankets and Boogers
A passenger in first class rang her call light. She handed me her blanket and asked if I could give her a new one. I was puzzled since everyone had started the flight with a fresh blanket. I looked down at the blanket and it was all wet and slimy with boogers. I felt so grossed out--like I was going to hurl--as I tossed it into a plastic bag.
((what's she supposed to do, keep using the snot-covered blanket? Now that would have been gross! Get a life, lady!))
7. Impromptu Snacking
A first class passenger picked something off his bare feet and ate it. I saw it myself.
((Well.. as long as it was within the 5-second window.. The Rule still applies))
6. Jump Seat No-No
A passenger sat down on the back galley flight attendant jump seat "waiting on the lavatory." A flight attendant told him he couldn't sit there. After I came out of the lav and sat down, we realized that he had urinated on the jump seat!
((Not his fault probably.. people take FOREVER in those bathrooms... Personally, I try to get in and out as quick as possible. It's like being stuck in a moving port-a-pottie..))
5. Pedicures
Lady using the "ped egg" on her feet. And then tried to dump her foot shavings in my trash.
((I dont know what this ped egg is.. but again, what should she have done with her "foot shavings"? Hold onto them? Isnt that what trash is for? And for the record, not sure I've ever heard a more disturbing phrase than "foot shavings." Gross. Sounds like some sort of middle-eastern dish))
4. A Little Laundry
A first class passenger took off his soggy socks and dried them by putting them over the air vent above his seat. Passengers all the way back in coach complained about the smell.
((Wow. That's ingenious! Mental Note Recorded!))
3. Lost Panties
I was helping clean the plane at one of our out-stations so we could turn the plane on time and found a pair of bloody panties in the seat pocket. This is why we wear gloves.
((Must have belonged to Curt Schilling... zing!))
2. Adult Diapers
Someone shed their humongous Depends adult diapers on the toilet seat--yep, shed like a creature shedding its sea-shell, and they were left perfectly wide open and obviously used on top of the toilet lid, for the next passenger.
((That's what we call a calling card... must have been that Illinois Enema Bandit))
1. Going No. 2
A passenger used the tissue (out of the tissue box dispenser in the restroom) to clean up after their bowel movement. They then placed the used tissues back into the tissue box. A fellow flight attendant reached into the tissue dispenser for a tissue and...discovered the issue firsthand.
(("Discovered the issue firsthand" bwahahahahahah. You know, that one is gross. But I bet that bitch attendant deserved it! Don't tell me when I can't stand up! I'm paying your salary here!))
8. Francona on Fire
More details emerging as his book hits the shelves.. here's a little write-up from the Globe.
Some of my favorites:
--"I've been around a lot of baseball managers," Lucchino told Francona, according to the book. "But you, by far, make me the most uncomfortable."
--It was interesting to learn that Epstein hired two "outside consultants" to put together proposed lineups for Francona every day. Eric Van was hired after Henry noticed him on the Sons of Sam Horn message board. Voros McCracken, a pioneer in sabermetrics, was the other.
Francona never met them and he wasn't mandated to use their lineups. But at one point Francona told Epstein he had enough of the suggestions and to keep them to himself.
--There's not much said about Francona's private life, although he does admit to hoarding pain pills in 2012 because of his many physical ailments.
"Hoarding" .... sure. He didn't take any while the guys were out back with their fried chicken and bud lights..nahhh.. just hoarding them! Let's get him scheduled on that Hoarder show before his CLE tenure begins..
9. Welcome To Nawlins
Saints fans rolling out the "red carpet" for NFL Commisioner, Roger Goodell... Nice work.
New Orleans Welcomes The Super Bowl With A “Roger Goodell Being Eaten By A Giant Vagina” Float
10. Mmmmm Bitch!
Grantland gets high marks for this lil piece they've put together.. what's your favorite sketch? Obviously, it is very had to pick just one, but if I absolutely had to... I don't see how it gets any better than the Rick James episode. Just has so many good parts, and when one sketch stretches out into the entire half hour.. you know its good.
A Battle for the Best Chappelle's Show Sketch Ever
Sixty-four sketches. One winner. Ten years later, we determine the champ.
By Rembert Browne onThere's nothing I'd call myself an "expert" in, but for all intents and purposes, I have a PhD in "Ashy Larry" from the accredited institution of higher learning known as David Khari Webber Chappelle. For that reason, I feel confident in my abilities to carry this out in the most professionally passionate way possible.
No comments:
Post a Comment