Just in case the Mayans are right.. let's get this out of the way today..
1. What Does It All Mean??
The hour is upon us. This Friday at the stroke of solstice (4:12 a.m. Mountain Standard Time), the Maya Long Count calendar will click over to read "13.0.0.0.0," (pronounced "thirteen b'aktun") for the first time in 5,125 years.
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Interesting article breaking down some actual facts -- ruh oh -- on the Mayan calendar. Does it really call for Armageddon? Depends how you feel about this scene..
Within the multidisciplinary world of "2012ology," theories span the gamut from serious academic discussions by glyph-deciphering Maya geeks to theorists who think that, on December 21, 2012, a magnetic phenomenon caused by the sun will trigger all human pineal glands to release a hallucinogen resulting in a mass humanity-wide acid trip.
On second thought, can we save that for 12/29? That's when we have floors for Phish at MSG.
2. iPod
Do you have your survival pods ready? This guy does..
Great ball of China: Farmer builds survival pod to save him (and 13 others) from tsunami, earthquake... and Mayan doomsday
- Farmer Liu Qiyuan has built seven pods consisting of a fibreglass shell around a steel frame
- He hopes they will be adopted by government departments and international organisations for use in the event of tsunamis and earthquake
- The airtight spheres contain oxygen tanks and seatbelts with space for around 14 people, and remain upright when in water
With just ten days to go before the Mayan apocalypse supposedly spells the end of the world, many believers may be looking for ways to dodge doomsday.
But one farmer in China believes he is ready for any eventuality after building seven emergency survival pods.
Liu Qiyuan created the fibreglass shells - dubbed Noah's Ark - after being inspired by the apocalyptic Hollywood movie 2012.
"Just try to get up here fat man! You can't! Cuz you're fat! Ha ha ha!"
Of course, what if the apocalypse comes in flood form? Then this douche will just be floating around till he runs out of spam and slim jims... maybe he'll run into this guy though and they can talk about their favorite episodes of Star Trek: Next Generation.
3. But Before You Go
You knew this was coming... pun intended.
4. Tweet of the Day
"Anyone know what bar Mayan chicks hang out in? I've got a good line I want to use."
@WGladstone
5. Goin' For Gold
And in other news.. from our Las Vegas escort correspodnent... (he's been working the beat for years... ba dum dum)
What ever happened to "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas?"
U.S. Olympian Suzy Favor Hamilton admits to secret life as escort
Olympian Suzy Favor Hamilton reportedly admitted to a secret life as a Las Vegas Escort.
Three-time U.S. Olympian Suzy Favor Hamilton admitted to working as a Las Vegas escort for the past year, reportedly procuring her services as recently as Dec. 5 in a secret life that she said only her husband had known about until now, TheSmokingGun.com first reported on Thursday.
Favor Hamilton, 44, who also runs a real estate brokerage firm in Wisconsin with her husband, was once featured in a Nike television commercial, a swimsuit calendar and had more recently been involved in promotional work with Disney. Her work as a call girl had allegedly taken her to Las Vegas, Los Angeles, Chicago and Houston and she was getting paid upwards of $600 per hour. According to the rates posted on the website of the company that allegedly handled her business, Haley Heston, she charged $6,000 for a 24-hour period.
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She's not the first person to work for Disney and also be a call girl...
6. Fuckin' Up the Scenery
From our aptly named "do this don't do that" correspondent:
World's Funniest Signs
We asked T+L members to submit their funniest signs for our photo contest—here are the best of the bunch.
That one is good..but there are a lot better ones in there.. including:
Taking bets on if this sign is in Florida or not... any takers?
That's-a one spicy meatball!
Taking bets on if this sign is in Florida or not... any takers?
7.When Charlie Met Louie
Nice.
For a show that constantly reinvents itself and what it can be, Louie has proven surprisingly ripe for parody and satire. In his hosting gig on Saturday Night Live, Louis C.K. combined the tone and style of Louie with the life of Abraham Lincoln, and now the good folks over at Animation Domination High Definition have done God’s work and created the Louie/Peanuts mash-up we didn’t realize we needed until now. The pairing proves surprisingly natural and organic, as a grown-up Charlie Brown catches up with figures from his past whose lives have not turned out as they would have liked and ambles glumly through the wreckage of his own life. Stick around for a funny if somewhat obvious gag in the credits, you blockhead.
8. Catching Up With Jerry
Seinfeld still doin' what he does... Actually, I've never seen him do stand-up live and need to check it out next time he's around...
"Kramer accidentally gets caught in a flash mob. Elaine's new boyfriend (Paul Rudd) quotes movies while watching them."
You already know the 12 Days Of Christmas, with its drummers drumming and partridges and gold rings, but we here at The A.V. Club like to take everything one step further, for your reading pleasure. Hence, 13 Days Of Christmas, a collection of essays on a handful of beloved holiday classics and a few that have sadly fallen through the cracks. Up today, Joe Dante’s Gremlins.
11. Keep Sanchez Clean?
It's that magical time of year as the Pats look forward to the playoffs, and the fans get to hate on the Jets..
8. Catching Up With Jerry
Seinfeld still doin' what he does... Actually, I've never seen him do stand-up live and need to check it out next time he's around...
Jerry Seinfeld Intends to Die Standing Up
(Ironically seated in this pic)
Jerry Seinfeld: How to Write a Joke:
The comedian describes the anatomy of his Pop-Tart joke, still a work in progress, and shows his longhand writing process.
And while we're here... today's offering from "Modern Seinfeld":
"Kramer accidentally gets caught in a flash mob. Elaine's new boyfriend (Paul Rudd) quotes movies while watching them."
@SeinfeldToday
9. More Lists
Does this video itself count?
Sadly, MIB 3 is the only one i've seen on this list.. (saw it on a plane) .. I do want to see a bunch of them though.. Step Up Revolution is not one of em.
Really? naaaaah
How did I miss the Paul Simon African Concert? Gotta get that!
Yes.. they still make books. But they actually only made 6 this year, so this list isnt anything to brag about.
Is that an oximoron?
Seriously internet. Is there anything you can't do?
10. An Old Batch
Nice review of one of my all-time favorites... in fact, could be time to dust off the old DVD
11. Keep Sanchez Clean?
It's that magical time of year as the Pats look forward to the playoffs, and the fans get to hate on the Jets..
Jets QB Mark Sanchez hasn't gotten it done this season.
FOX Sports
Share This Story
Check out some of these quotes from former teammate, Kris Jenkins:
"What Sanchez has to take responsibility for is during the time
that he could've gotten better, he wanted to sit back and he wanted to
pose for magazines, worry about his haircuts, do all of that stuff."
"From what I saw him do," Jenkins said, "it was a lot better than what
it is now. But he coasted. They coddled him. That was what was going on.
This is a man's profession; you have to man up at some point in time."
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In his defense.. all that posing and haircut worrying landed him some "sexy time" with Kate Upton and Eva Longoria.. though presumably not at the same time. Wonder if he left his "trademark" on either of them... Longoria was probably down, I mean, she was married to a Frenchman.
12. Using the Whole Fist, Officer?
Moooooooooon Riverrrrrrrrrr
13. So Much For that Alicia Keys -- Neil Young Duet
14. The Real Viral Video of the Year
Takei. Reads. Shades of Grey.
Now I can indeed die happy.
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In his defense.. all that posing and haircut worrying landed him some "sexy time" with Kate Upton and Eva Longoria.. though presumably not at the same time. Wonder if he left his "trademark" on either of them... Longoria was probably down, I mean, she was married to a Frenchman.
12. Using the Whole Fist, Officer?
Moooooooooon Riverrrrrrrrrr
13. So Much For that Alicia Keys -- Neil Young Duet
Keep Your Cell Phone In Your Pocket at Neil Young Shows
Earlier this month Neil Young and Crazy Horse’s Alchemy Tour visited Bridgeport, Connecticut where according to our friends at Thrasher’s Wheat the legendary rockers took offense to a member of the crowd constantly using their smartphone throughout the start of the show. The situation came to a head during Fuckin’ Up when Young cursed at, pointed at and mocked the fan.
[Young Mocking The Fan]
[In my day we didn't have cell phones.. we had two soup cans tied together by strings, and if you had an emergency you couldnt call 9-1-1 you had to shout for help from the rooftop of your burning building. And instead of telemarkters we had traveling salesman who would come to your home, sell you a faulty iron, and then when you went to get your money back their wife would come in and club you over the head and kill you... leading to said salemsan going back to work and leveling the douche in the office with said iron... And that's the way it was and we liked it!]
14. The Real Viral Video of the Year
Takei. Reads. Shades of Grey.
Now I can indeed die happy.
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