We're here to pump (clap) you up

1. VP Steel cage death match

Yesterday we told you how Biden was ready to play "hardball" in tonight's Veep debate. Well apparently, Paul Ryan got the message.

Paul Ryan: All Pumped Up For His Closeup

Read more: http://lightbox.time.com/2012/10/11/paul-ryan-all-pumped-up-for-his-closeup/#ixzz291SCv9Xm

In fact, it was Ryan’s fitness regime (and Herculean strength on all things fiscal) that inspired the workout-themed sitting for the Person of the Year; those portraits, photographed by Gregg Segal, appear in this week’s issue.

Not that these pics needed to be any funnier, but just in case.. Funny or Die took a crack. My personal favorite:

 

Somewhere, Hans & Frans are smiling. (Spoiler Alert... I'd put it at about 99% that they make an appearance on SNL this weekend. And no, it still won't be funny)  

(side note: Tweet of the day concerning the debate, also from FOD:

"Debate prediction: That person from your office who thinks they're funny is going to tweet some really stupid shit"

Don't be that stupid shit...)

2. Oh how the not-so-mighty have fallen

Ladies and Gentlemen I present to you.. Rick Springfield. Subway performer.

YouTube videos show the now 63-year-old Australian musician looked far removed from his 80s heartthrob heyday. Wearing dad glasses, a black leather jacket and a five-o’clock shadow, he awkwardly strummed along to his songs — including his mega-hit "Jessie's Girl" and "Don't talk to Strangers."

Need I remind you that a few short years ago, he was a key cog in Californication? How many times do I need to link this people?! Let's get a kickstarter page going to revitalize his career, shall we?

(P.S. for those of you who don't watch Californication, Springfield was only the 2nd best guest star on the show.. here's the first... and possibly best guest star of all time on any show. )

3. Speaking of past their primes

They've done it again! The Rolling Stones putting out yet another greatest hits album, sprinkled with a new track or two. 

The Rolling Stone's new single 'Doom and Gloom'

Evergreen rock and roll legends The Rolling Stones today released their first new song together in seven years titled, "Doom and Gloom."

With a classic Keith Richards bluesey guitar riff playing in the background, the song touches on themes like class warfare, the cost of war in the Middle East and oil fracking.

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/watch_the_rolling_stone_new_single_NsJopiEtEbIWgoSUrpPtHM
Oh good. I was wondering what Mick and the boys thought about the Middle East. Ambassadorship anyone?

4. Alice's Wonderland

Would you trust your kids to this guy?

5.  What's going on in Maine?

Hookers... (so THAT's what "Zumba" means)
Zombies...  (clever marketing ploy by Walking Dead?)
What happened to the good ole days of Lobster Rolls and Phish festivals?

6. Man up, lil boy
Or your sister will beat your ass


7. The Douche-namic Duo

Kobe Bryant says he needs to have a talk with A-Rod

 

Kurt Helin

Oct 11, 2012, 2:10 AM EDT

Kobe and A-Rod are tight, so he asked the media hoard after the Lakers preseason game Wednesday (which Kobe missed) about the game and… well, from Arash Markazi of ESPNLA.com.

Kobe on the Yankees finish: "I don't like that. That's not good for the chemistry of the team. I'm going to have to call A-Rod."

First off.. of course Kobe & A-Rod are tight. 2nd, of course Kobe is a Yankees fan. All these lakers/yankees suckups dont really root for their team, they just root against Boston. As a C's fan, let's just hope Kobe's career starts to follow the path of his best buds'... #seeyouinthefinalsbitch

8. What is the secret of your power?

If you've ever given me your ipod, or let me burn you some mp3s, I almost certainly burned/gave you a copy of the epic Tenacious D show from Vermont... Well, we now have a vid of one of the most epic parts of said epicness... The encore of Flash Gordon Theme>Wonderboy, Beatles Medley.. with everyone's favorite, heady keys player.

Watch Page McConnell Team Up With Tenacious D On Flash, Wonderboy and Beatles Abbey Road Medley

Way to go Hidden Track!

9. Best of the 90's follow up..

 http://www.avclub.com/articles/the-best-films-of-the-90s-orphans-outliers-and-per,86534/

And finally, one of the most underrated films of all time.. gets its due.

The Cable Guy (1996)

 

((There's your sweet spot right there))

Jim Carrey’s then-unprecedented $20 million salary had critics waiting with knives out for The Cable Guy, and they slashed when the film underperformed. But with the black cloud of Carrey’s record payday dissipated by time, the film emerges as a sharp, blissfully black-hearted comedy, albeit one designed to give Ace Ventura fans the creeps. A desperately lonely cable installer who sees life only through the prism of TV shows, the title character is TV culture made flesh, a trenchant and sometimes terrifying comment on the disparity between small-screen life and the world outside the frame. The film’s failure sent Carrey scurrying for the safety of Liar Liar, and director Ben Stiller has never directed a film half as sharp since, but little-known producer (and uncredited screenwriter) Judd Apatow has done all right for himself.

10. And before you leave

Make sure you don't check off anything on this list, if you're heading abroad.

(Take your fanny pack and go back to yuppie ville, will ya?)

-Z