So this is how it ends for one of the most hyped QBs in NFL history... as a discount T for sale at the local Shaws.
If you take a closer look.. yes, it does indeed say.. "HE'S A WINNER"...
It could be worse though.. he could have this shirt being made about him...
There is however a new drink called the Tebow.. and it sounds tremendous..
2. We Can Twerk It Out
For those of you (older, white) folks like me, who aren't sure what this whole "Twerking" thing is all about.. the good folks at buzzfeed have taken the time to explain it to us. Now we can all move onto the next big thing..
3. Parenting Tips (Just the Tips)
Sure, I'm only a few months into this whole parenting thing..but I think I've got it down. 1st and foremost.. make sure your kids don't listen to shitty music. This article can help. (but your best bet is to perhaps contact me about burning you some phish CD's). Second, try to do as many of these as you can.. here's some of my personal favorites.
This dad who finally got his baby to fall asleep.
Any parent who names their kid “Tahra Dactyl.”
This dad who came up with the greatest father/baby costume ever.
4. When Parenting Goes Wrong
Clearly whoever was in charge of raising these lovely ladies, dropped the ball.
Melodi Dushane, McDonald's Customer Breaks Window & Attacks Staff Because There Are No Chicken McNuggets (VIDEO)
What do you do if you get to McDonald's so early they aren't serving your favourite chicken Mcnuggets? Well, choose something from the breakfast menu presumably. Or if you're Melodi Dushane you start screaming, pounding the glass of the drive-through window and hissing "don't make me assume my ultimate form" at terrified staff. The footage of Dushane repeatedly screaming "McNuggets" in true Exorcist-fashion (among other obscenities) was filmed in January 2010, but has been recirculating lately.
Samantha Lynn Goudie, Drunk Girl, Blows .341 In Jail, Tweets 'YOLO' (UPDATED)
Samantha Lynn Goudie, @Vodka_Samm, tweeted her BAC from jail, among other things.
What do you get when you're arrested at a college game, blow a .341 BAC and then tweet about it? Why, your very own commemorative T-shirt, of course.
Samantha Lynn Goudie -- Twitter alias @Vodka_Samm -- allegedly tried to jump onto the field during the Northern Illinois-Iowa game in Iowa City on Saturday. University of Iowa police collared her and gave her a breathalyzer test, on which she blew a preliminary .341.
UPDATE: More photos from Goudie's Twitter surface.
Deadspin tracked down Goudie's mug shot, which shows her standing next to an officer who looks none too impressed. (story continues below)
But Goudie wasn't done. When she was released from the slammer, she took to Twitter:
Just went to jail #yolo
— Samantha (@Vodka_samm) August 31, 2013
Blew a .341 in jail
— Samantha (@Vodka_samm) August 31, 2013
I'm going to get .341 tattooed on me because its so epic
— Samantha (@Vodka_samm) August 31, 2013
((Follow the link to the article for some amazing vine vids from this young lady. They are just priceless))
5. Oh, Mama
Poor Lebron.. First her Mom banged this guy.. now she's somehow traded down..
Meet The 31-Year-Old Rapper Who Is Dating LeBron James's Mom
See
that guy creeping behind LeBron James and Dwyane Wade on the beach in
the picture above? His name is Da Real Lambo, he's currently dating
Gloria James, and he has a very active Instagram account
Da Real
Lambo seems to have been dating Gloria James for some time now, and
judging by his Instagram account, he has completely embedded himself as a
member James's family. Here he is enjoying life as a member of the
James clan, and referring to LeBron as his "role model.":
One of his
favorite things to do is put on LeBron's championship ring (he has to
use two fingers) and model it for the camera. His Instagram account has
several photos like this one:
Here's Da Real Lambo with Gloria James, whom he likes to call "wifey," while on vacation with the James family in St. Tropez.
And here he is enjoying some wine with Gloria while on another trip with the fam:
Out of all of his pictures, though, this one from May is my favorite:
Basically,
all this guy does is go on vacation and pretend to be famous. He's
probably on a boat right now, trying to set up a selfie with LeBron in
the background.
6. Won't They Just Leave Him Alone
Poor Corey. This kid can't catch a break. And damnit, he deserves one!
Corey Feldman speaks out against cyberbullying of Corey Feldman
The Corey Feldman "exclusive photo" that Corey Feldman sent as evidence that his party was actually really cool.
Having already taken a stand against reckless slander and defamation of character through the publishing of untouched photographs,
Corey Feldman has now bravely stood up against another troubling trend
whose definition is unique to Corey Feldman. Yesterday, Feldman
blast-emailed a PR statement aimed at protesting the “cyber-bullying” of
Corey Feldman—an epidemic that threatens to hurt the feelings of untold
numbers of Corey Feldmen, making it difficult for them to enjoy their
aging stripper parties without feeling as though some people don’t recognize how cool they are.
The statement (sadly not titled “It Gets Better, Corey Feldman”) pointedly addresses the “mixed reviews and controversy from the public and media” that ostensibly greeted his new single, “Ascension Millennium,” a song that the media had controversially suggested exists, as well as the birthday party that was “met with strong criticism online; criticism Feldman strongly feels is cyber bullying,” because Corey Feldman tends to just feel words.
“Unfortunately, we have grown into a society whose belief system holds to bring down rather than to build up. Bullying is present in schools, homes, professional environments and online (cyber bullying), and here is a case no different from just that,” Corey Feldman writes of his case, in which some people posted unflattering photos as means of preapproved publicity for his party business, and is therefore no different from cyberbullying cases where someone is harassed mercilessly until they commit suicide. “It takes a lot of balls to put yourself out there in the hot seat,” Feldman added, presumably of this seat, where his hot balls go. “I encourage everyone to not be afraid of what others will say or think. Move forward and ignore the haters,” Feldman concluded in the 600-word press release specifically drafted to address what others said about him.
Maybe he shoulda left that quarter in the wishing well.. and all this would have gone better for him...
The statement (sadly not titled “It Gets Better, Corey Feldman”) pointedly addresses the “mixed reviews and controversy from the public and media” that ostensibly greeted his new single, “Ascension Millennium,” a song that the media had controversially suggested exists, as well as the birthday party that was “met with strong criticism online; criticism Feldman strongly feels is cyber bullying,” because Corey Feldman tends to just feel words.
“Unfortunately, we have grown into a society whose belief system holds to bring down rather than to build up. Bullying is present in schools, homes, professional environments and online (cyber bullying), and here is a case no different from just that,” Corey Feldman writes of his case, in which some people posted unflattering photos as means of preapproved publicity for his party business, and is therefore no different from cyberbullying cases where someone is harassed mercilessly until they commit suicide. “It takes a lot of balls to put yourself out there in the hot seat,” Feldman added, presumably of this seat, where his hot balls go. “I encourage everyone to not be afraid of what others will say or think. Move forward and ignore the haters,” Feldman concluded in the 600-word press release specifically drafted to address what others said about him.
Maybe he shoulda left that quarter in the wishing well.. and all this would have gone better for him...
7. Mystery of the Week
In case you missed it.. Eddie Murphy is back! Singing! No really! And he brought ... wait for it.. Snoop Lion with him!
The real question is.. is this all a joke? Hard to tell, because sadly, it's actually not quite so terrible. I mean it's no "Party All the Time" but few songs are..
The problem is.. it doesnt really matter if he's serious or not, I think we've all been trained over the years to hear his voice, and laugh (despite his recent attempts to untrain us). He could be singing opera and I'd still find it hilarious.. wait a minute... I think I could be onto something here...
8. Community Alert of the Week
From our "Hide Yo Wife, Hide Yo Kids" correspondent... batten down the hatches.. it's Drunk Moose Season!
August 31, 2013
Get
ready for the season of drunken moose. As ripe fruit falls from the
trees and ferments on the ground, it is time for some of Sweden’s most
majestic wild animals to act in a most un-regal manner.
One home owner east of Stockholm, the capital, has already been confronted by a mob of boozed-up moose. The five animals, feasting on rotten windfalls, “were threatening” and refused to let him into his garden.
“Sensibly enough the (moose) left the scene when police arrived,” writes Albin Näverberg on Stockholm police’s website.
To prevent further moose booze-binges the home owner, who lives in Värmdö, east of Stockholm, was advised to remove the apples from his yard.
“The (moose) will have to get drunk somewhere else,” writes Näverberg.
One home owner east of Stockholm, the capital, has already been confronted by a mob of boozed-up moose. The five animals, feasting on rotten windfalls, “were threatening” and refused to let him into his garden.
“Sensibly enough the (moose) left the scene when police arrived,” writes Albin Näverberg on Stockholm police’s website.
To prevent further moose booze-binges the home owner, who lives in Värmdö, east of Stockholm, was advised to remove the apples from his yard.
“The (moose) will have to get drunk somewhere else,” writes Näverberg.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For the love of good.. can we please get some video of this online? I know we're talking about a 3rd world country here, but they have to have AOL at least, right?
9. Jew on Jew Crime
Certainly you've seen this by now.. but it's still worth another mention. I just hate to see us Jews hatin' on each other. We get enough of that from the goyim. And on Erev Rosh Hashanah no less! Of all his crimes, this is perhaps Anthony Weiner's, er Carlos Danger's worst one yet..
10. Wait, Was This Wrong?
"Surprised by all the negativity"... really?
Creator of GhettoTracker.com Surprised by All the "Negative Baggage"
GhettoTracker.com is just as deplorable as its name suggests. The website, which surfaced yesterday on Hacker News and PandoDaily,
invites users to rate neighborhoods based on "which parts of town are
safe and which ones are ghetto, or unsafe." Unsafe to whom? Well, the
gleaming white family on its "About" page, of course.
GhettoTracker's
"ghettos" aren't identified based on mugging statistics or murder
rates—or any hard data at all, really. Instead, "ghettos" are determined
by the site's users and delineated by their prejudices. It's a new,
crowd-sourced twist on stop-and-frisk: Just drop a little red dot
anywhere you think upstanding folks should stop-and-avoid.
It might be the most cynical use of technology since some marketing asshat tried to turn homeless people into human Wi-Fi hotspots at South by Southwest.
Wait.. homeless hotspots?!?! THAT'S GENIUS! I am going to make this happen in Boston. We can start with that Alley behind Channel 7. Put that gross couple that bangs back there to work...
11. How Did I Not Know..
That this was the RISD mascot.. I mean, I was shocked to find out they had any sports teams at all..but now I see why. Just so someone can walk around in a Cockenballz outfit a few times a week. Great work if you can get it..
Your Mascot Is A Dick (And Balls)
At first, I thought it was just some joke/one time thing Tosh was posting on his blog.. But no apparently, this is an ongoing thing. Well done Art Geeks.
12. Finally, Someone Says What We've All Been Thinking
And of course, that someone, was Dave Chappelle..
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