Classic shit going on in federal court today, where prospective jurors are trying their best to get out of the Bulger trial. I dont see why, personally. Whats wrong with spending all summer couped up inside a courtroom hearing the grisly details of a life of crime, murder, and intimidation. Sounds like a dream summer to me. Anyway, here's some of the best excuses so far.. try to guess which ones actually worked..
WBZ-TV Reporter Tweets Highlights From Bulger Jury Selection
June 10, 2013 3:33 PM
BOSTON (CBS) — Jury selection is underway in the James ‘Whitey’ Bulger trial.
Throughout the trial, you can follow the action with reporters’ tweets inside the courtroom.Below are some of the more remarkable tweets from WBZ-TV’s Jim Armstrong, from Monday’s jury selection.
The tweets include excuses potential jurors gave as to why they could not serve on the jury.
Jim Armstrong @JimArmstrongWBZ
Juror 167: Victim of crime; when she was "smoking weed with some people she just met", someone busted in w/ a gun...
Juror 210: crying about her dog; saying trial would be a hardship for her bc she takes care of her dog.
Juror 247: Faced "open & gross lewdness" charge in 2002. Also 2 drunk driving arrests & assault/battery charges... I was "buck naked" when I walked out the wrong door or ,y new apartment. Hence the gross and lewd charges.
(Forgive the shameless 'BZ plug)
2. Doin' Da Butt
And in other court news.. poor ochocinco. He was just tryin to show some man love to his attorney, now he's going back to jail. Its moments like these where I almost wish his incessant twitter diarrhea didnt force me to unfollow him.
Ex-NFL star Chad Johnson gets 30 days in jail
FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. (AP) — Former NFL star Chad Johnson was sentenced Monday to 30 days in jail for a probation violation in a domestic violence case by a judge who angrily rejected a no-jail plea deal after Johnson playfully slapped his attorney on the backside in court.
Johnson, known as Chad Ochocinco for his
jersey number in Spanish during his playing days, had reached a deal
with prosecutors calling for community service and counseling instead of
jail. Broward County Circuit Judge Kathleen McHugh said she would tack
on an additional three months’ probation because Johnson had failed to
meet with his probation officer during three previous months.
It was all set until Johnson, when asked by
McHugh if he was satisfied with his lawyer Adam Swickle, gave the
attorney a light swat on the rear — as football players routinely do to
each other on the field. The courtroom erupted in laughter and at that
McHugh said she wouldn’t accept the deal.
‘‘I don’t know that you’re taking this whole
thing seriously. I just saw you slap your attorney on the backside. Is
there something funny about this?’’ McHugh said, slapping the plea deal
document down on her desk. ‘‘The whole courtroom was laughing. I'm not
going to accept these plea negotiations. This isn’t a joke.’’
Fear not.. there is video of said butt slap.. (And a GIF)
3. Women...
... they can't even drive a parachute.
4.You Been Liftin' Dude?
If you thought some of those juror excuses were good, check out this guy's plan to get out of a ticket.
5. Here He Comes to Malkovich the Day
If only he could rescue his career... zing!
John Malkovich Rescues Bleeding Man In TorontoJohn Malkovich isn't typically cast as a hero in films, but he's been called just that after he came to a bleeding man's rescue on Thursday in Toronto.
According to the Toronto Star, the actor was smoking a cigarette on the street when a 77-year-old Ohio man, named Jim Walpole, tripped and slashed his throat on some scaffolding. A doorman at a nearby hotel witnessed the incident and told the paper that Malkovich ran over and started applying pressure to the man's neck, and didn't let go until an ambulance arrived.
The doorman also told reporters that the 59-year-old actor comforted Walpole, who was worried about being sent to the hospital, telling him, "Listen, they got a really good [health care] system up here."
(not like that Obama care crap down South)
6. I Can Get You A Toe
(no nailpolish tho)
7. Just To Clarify
Kaney West does NOT.. I repeat NOT have a God complex
8. Rape Her, I Hardly Know Her
Interested read.. Roseanne Barr defending comedians' right to tell.. rape jokes
Of course she is... In case you forgot.. she was once a pretty fun comedienne herself.
9. Words Of Wisdom
This is the kind of commencement speech I would have liked.. if I actually went to my graduation instead of going to see Phish at Radio City Music Hall. On 2nd thought, I got EXACTLY the kind of commencement speech I would have liked. Chk Chk.
Gary Busey Delivers Ridiculous Commencement Speech On 'Jimmy Kimmel Live!' (VIDEO)
Not everyone gets a fancy celebrity commencement speech at their graduation. So Jimmy Kimmel made sure everyone could get a taste of celebrity wisdom with a few sage words from Gary Busey about finding your passion and managing horny goats.
10. When a Problem Comes Along...
You must whip it.
11. Women...
... sure do know how to play that Game of Thrones...
12. Good Parenting 101
Bring kid to monster truck rally.. watch him cry.. take funny pic and post on internet. Got it!
This
young man looked upon the grotesque, motorized monsters as they crushed
steel and burned fuel, and he wept a single tear. For America.
13. Well This Is Some Information I Could Have Used..
TEN YEARS AGO!
Journalism Is the Worst 4-Year College Investment—Be a Sailor Instead!
If
the constant downsizing in the news-media industry hasn't already
convinced you to pick something else to do with your life, a new study
shows the worst "return on investment" for a four-year degree is a job
in journalism. It takes journalists nearly 32 years to pay off their
college loans.
With a median salary of only $37,090 and college costs of $52,596, it would take today's newly-degreed journalist 31.84 years to pay off a student loan at 5% interest, according to Bankrate.com.
Add the
insecurity and shame associated with the reporting life, and you've got a
recipe for a life of intolerable misery and want. But it doesn't have
to be that way. Journalism is dead, anyway—news is created by blogs and
NSA leakers and press releases. Why not do something exciting and get
rich in the process?
I do have to admit, I enjoy the insecurity and shame...
14. Women..
15. And One Belly To Unite Them All
It seems like everyone and their mother (except maybe the dick pick guy) are throwing festivals these days.. but this could be the best one yet.
And if you're still reading.. here's more!
And if you're still reading.. here's more!
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