This Guy is the man....
2. No Really TGIF
The 20 best GIFs from Game of Thrones Season 3? Yes please...
My favorite? (Spoiler Alert)
Although this one's pretty good too:
(Starting to see a pattern?)
3.Where Are They Now...
TITO SANTANA EDITION!
4. Police Blotter
Best ticket appeal ever
Worst way to get busted ever
Dumbest lawsuit filed ever (he should be thanking him!)
Dumbest TSA workers ever (and thats saying a lot)
5. Meanwhile in Japan
Special shout out to my brother Steve who is over in Japan for the summer.. Let's just hope he's not doing any of this:
Eyeball licking craze causes pink eye epidemic in Japan
A dangerouscraze is spreading pink eye among Japanese schoolkids – who lick each other’s eyeballs.
The bizarre fad is a hit among 12-year-olds who are said to see it as the next step after French kissing.
One teacher said a third of his Year six students had licked someone’s eyeballs or had theirs subjected to the practice.
But the strange kick – also known as worming or oculolinctus – has led to a surge in conjunctivitis among school children in the country.
The craze is not limited to Japan, though. Elektrika Energias, 29, from the US Virgin Islands, said: “My boyfriend started licking my eyeballs years ago and I just loved it.
Read more at The Sun.
6. And While We're There
It's not all bad..sometimes the Japanese can put their considerable powers to good use.. for example:
This Air Hockey-Playing Robot Is Here To Ruin Your Shit
Japan—of course it's Japan, home of the Messi-stopping goalkeeper robot—has found a way to win all the Dave & Buster's tickets.
Developed by researchers at Chiba University, because science, the robot uses two high-speed cameras to track the puck and its opponent at a ridiculous 500 fps. But that's not the scariest part:
Basically, the robot observes the speed and position of the player's paddle in relation to the puck. This data can be described by what is known as a Motion Pattern Histogram (MPH). The robot uses this data to estimate whether its opponent is playing aggressively or defensively. Over the course of a game, the robot can detect these MPHs in real-time and compare them with reference patterns to help it figure out what you're doing.
[...]
So in a sense, by detecting and matching a given playing style, the robot isn't just physically playing the game against you: it's adding a psychological component to the match.
YET AGAIN, no one stops to think whether it's a good idea to teach robots how to figure out our weaknesses. Stick this thing on a Roomba and hand it a power drill, and we're all fucked.
I mean, this is what the world really needs these days, isnt it? Can this thing defend nukes fired from N. Korea?
7. And In Jesus News
No, this isn't the Tebow section.. just wanted to check in with ole J.C. and see what he's been up to recently.. Well, he's popping up in all sorts of weird places (as usual)
This Dog's Butthole Seriously Looks Like Jesus
All creatures great and small, the lord god made them all. (And is particularly fond of this pug's ass.)
OK, so this crap is juvenile and dumb, but seriously — Butthole Jesus is even wearing a robe. He cannot be unseen. Obviously this leads to a deeper question: Is every BM a message from above? Discuss/don't discuss/etc.
Poppin up... and popping in.... heyoooo
Hey, Here's A Dildo That Is Also A Ceramic Jesus Figurine
How do you feel about the ceramic Jesus figurine pictured above? It's pretty nice, right? If you saw that figurine at a flea market, you would probably consider buying it for your religious grandmother. It would look great on her nightstand! You would just need to make sure that she never, ever turned it around.
Because this ceramic Jesus figurine is also a ceramic dildo. Feast your eyes on Dildo Jesus!
8. And While We're Here
I dunno, if Clooney's doing it... I may have to try it out...
George Clooney Joked About Ironing His Balls and Now It's a Real Thing
When life imitates Chappelle's Show you know it's high time we all took a serious step back.
It all started back in January, when George Clooney told Esquire's A.J. Jacobs that he has never had his eyes done, but did have the wrinkles removed from his balls.
"It's a new technique, many people in Hollywood have done it. It's called 'ball ironing,'" the actor is quoted as saying.
He was obviously poking fun at Hollywood's obsession with eternal youth, but one of Hollywood's go-to rejuvenators took the actor's comments at face value, and began offering the treatment at her Santa Monica spa.
Nurse Jamie, owner of Beauty Park Medical Spa and skincare snake oil salesperson to the stars, told The Daily Mail her new "Tighten the Tackle" procedure is the bee's balls.
"It involves using lasers to remove hair, erase wrinkles and correct discoloration on the scrotum," the surname-deficient RN said of the $575 treatment officially known as Male Laser Lift. "They thought the Brazilian bikini wax was crazy ten years ago and now it’s just part of the process . . the tide is turning - don't knock it until you try it."
9. Best "Trailer" Ever?
Besides having an awesome premise, the different ads for this movie have been amazing. This is perhaps the best yet.
The cast of This Is The End stop being polite and start marketing their movie in this Real World mashup ad
by Danny Gallagher June 11, 2013
The principal cast of the new apocalypse comedy This Is The End put together a promo for their new film for MTV that crams the concept of their movie into a faux-episode of The Real World. The NSFW video features James Franco, Seth Rogen, Danny McBride and Jay Baruchel along with former Real World: Portland roommates Averey-Lee Jane and Joi Niemeyer doing what people on the Real World do best: finding excuses to fight about the most petty things. Except this time, the excuses lead to a lot more dick jokes. Craig Robinson also makes a quick but funny cameo to remind the viewers that he's still alive and in the movie. [via Reddit]
10. Strange Trip
Not the type of youtube black hole I usually fall into.. but check out this handy dandy instructional video... I think she's just showing off with #3... I dont see how thats actually a useful technique, but Im not quite a Dad yet, so maybe that's just me.
11. Dad Men
Perhaps this will help me (and all you other Dad's out there)...
The Mad Men Guide to Being a Father
Father’s Day fast approaches, a time for the dads of this nation
to receive hastily chosen golf-themed presents and potentially E. coli’d
breakfasts in bed. But through all the family hoopla, a father's
thoughts during this holiday can turn to the self-reflective, “Am I the
best dad I can be?” For such introspective and possibly self-doubting
patriarchs, we have another gift: The Mad Men Guide to Parenting.
By compiling rules based on all the neglectful, irresponsible, and
generally dismissive acts displayed by Don, Roger, and the show’s many
other crappy dads, we provide a handy low-bar benchmark that can be
easily cleared by even the laziest modern father. Sunday night, when
they hug their kids at night, they can get warm fuzzies thinking, “At
least I haven’t gotten drunk, cheated on my wife, and then told my
daughter that the almost-intercourse she just witnessed was just Daddy’s
pantsless way of comforting a neighbor.”
(Damn, what did we get an expensive car seat for then?)
Do teach kids to drive at a young age. As Grandpa Gene demonstrated when he put Sally behind the wheel, 9 is a good age to get ‘em started.
(Perfect, then Daddy will always have a designated driver around when he has a few too many)
Do leave the back door to your apartment unlocked at all times. That way if a random woman who calls herself Grandma Ida shows up, she can just walk right in while your kids are alone and unsupervised, then make a nice plate of scrambled eggs before she steals a bunch of your stuff. Remember: A nutritious breakfast is important for young bodies, even when it’s served late at night by a home invader.
(Grandma Ida sure knows how to cook up a good omelette)
Don’t, however, leave your mistress’s bedroom door unlocked, especially if you decide to have makeup, you’re-welcome-for-helping-your-son-dodge-the-draft sex. Which, by the way, is the best kind of sex. You never know when one of the kids will access the keys to her place, barge in to recover a mash note, then suddenly see something she can never unsee.
(No comment)
12. Listen To This
Who Knew A Capella Could Be So Cool? (Sorry, Rockafella fans)
Who Knew The Seinfeld Theme Could Be So Trippy (Kramer, thats who)
Who Knew The Band Could Play Bob Dylan Tunes(Uhm.. nevermind)
Who Knew Castration Could Be So Funny
13. And in Yeezus News
Seriously, isn't it time he took a nod from his baby mama and started having cameras follow him around 24-7. I would pay for a Kanye channel, just to see and hear all the crazy shit that comes out of his mouth on a daily basis. But in case you missed it, he gave one of his earth shattering interivews this week to the NY Times.
Here's the original article
Here's the cliff notes:
The six dumbest things Kanye said in his Times interview
- Last Updated: 4:00 PM, June 14, 2013
- Posted: 3:07 PM, June 13, 2013
1. On being a trendsetter: "I think what Kanye West is going to mean is something similar to what Steve Jobs means. I am undoubtedly, you know, Steve of Internet, downtown, fashion, culture. Period."
2. On his future: "I will be the leader of a company that ends up being worth billions of dollars, because I got the answers. I understand culture. I am the nucleus."
3. On social obligations: "Justice could just be clearing a path for people to dream properly. It could be clearing a path to make it fair within the arena that I play. You know, if Michael Jordan can scream at the refs, me as Kanye West, as the Michael Jordan of music, can go and say, 'This is wrong.'"
4. On his musical accomplishments: "I don’t know if this is statistically right, but I’m assuming I have the most Grammys of anyone my age, but I haven’t won one against a white person." (Editors note: that was NOT statistically right.. not even close) (He beat the Beastie Boys for Best Rap Album.)
5. On his highly publicized baby with Kim Kardashian: “Like, this is my baby. This isn’t America’s baby.”
6. On why we should just let him be: “Like, I want the world to be better! All I want is positive! All I want is dopeness! Why would you want to control that?”
14. Who Are the Ad Wizards
Sadly.. its not the same guys who brought you Ship My Pants... but it doesnt make it any less amazing....
Kmart Swears It Had Nothing To Do with This Really Racist Ad for Kmart
Kmart's Twitter account is being flooded with angry tweets from customers demanding an explanation for the blatantly racist ad it released this week.
Following in the footsteps of previous oronymic efforts such as "Big Gas Savings" and "Ship My Pants," the "Kmart Knickers" ad plays on the phonic similarities between the word "knickers" and the word "niggers."
Kmart's social media handlers have spent the last day or so insisting this is not one of their ads, and the company does not endorse "this type of content."
15. Full Show Friday
We're going back to Japan once again.. and quite the find from Hidden track this week.. the Clash!?!?
Full Show Friday: The Clash – Live In Tokyo 1982
For today’s Full Show Friday selection we look at a complete concert from punk legends The Clash. Filmed on January 28, 1982; this performance was one of the band’s last with drummer Topper Headon. Headon, who filled the drum seat in The Clash from 1977 to 1982, was asked to leave the band shortly after the Far East tour was finished and was replaced by Terry Chimes.
Here we’ve got The Clash powering through 13 songs in front of an attentive Japanese audience. Included within are hits such as London Calling, This Is Radio Clash and Police On My Back. The show was filmed professionally and broadcast on Japanese TV. While the performance came shortly after Combat Rock was recorded, none of the songs from the soon-to-be-released album made the setlist.
London Calling 00:50
Safe European Home 4:18
(White Man) In Hammersmith Palais 9:05
Brand New Cadillac 13:50
Charlie Don’t Surf 16:05
Clampdown 22:10
This is Radio Clash 26:50
Armagideon Time 31:48
Jimmy Jazz 36:59
Tommy Gun 43:00
Fujiyama Mama 46:50
Police On My Back 49:10
White Riot 52:24
Here we’ve got The Clash powering through 13 songs in front of an attentive Japanese audience. Included within are hits such as London Calling, This Is Radio Clash and Police On My Back. The show was filmed professionally and broadcast on Japanese TV. While the performance came shortly after Combat Rock was recorded, none of the songs from the soon-to-be-released album made the setlist.
London Calling 00:50
Safe European Home 4:18
(White Man) In Hammersmith Palais 9:05
Brand New Cadillac 13:50
Charlie Don’t Surf 16:05
Clampdown 22:10
This is Radio Clash 26:50
Armagideon Time 31:48
Jimmy Jazz 36:59
Tommy Gun 43:00
Fujiyama Mama 46:50
Police On My Back 49:10
White Riot 52:24
No comments:
Post a Comment