1. I'm in Love with Massachusetts
Not that this is any big surprise to any of you..but you just don't get local flavor like this anywhere else..
Ancient Masshole's Touching Message Discovered Under Boston Floorboard
Alex Robinson, resident of the great city of Boston, Massachusetts,
discovered a heartwarming message—presumably written by a benevolent
former resident—while pulling up floorboards during a renovation of his
Charlestown home.
It read:
And America at war to fight Germany. Threshold 5/10/41 by Albert Stella this floor was laid. Go fuck yourself.
Albert Stella's screed, Boston.com notes,
was penciled in cursive on a piece of wood. "Go fuck yourself," among
Bostonians, serves as a traditional greeting and de facto mantra—like
the Hawaiian "Aloha," or South Asian "Namaste." This instance, assuming
the date is correct, serves to remind us of the deep history from which
Boston's treasured local customs spring.
"I
really liked the floors Albert Stella put in, but I wasn't able to keep
them," Robinson told Boston.com. "I realized the floors weren't level,
so the only thing to do was pull them up. Lo and behold, I was told to
go fuck myself."
2. Headline of the Week
ESPN 'Regrets' Michael Sam Shower Report
What report you ask?
This report
I just hope the Rams use liquid soap, know what I mean?
3. Duh of the Week
Another of these "studies" that was completely unnecessary. You need Science to tell you this?
Smoking Weed Together Makes Couples Fight Less
A new study shows that potheads have less violence in their marriages.
By on August 27, 2014
Snoop Dogg once famously said, "Smoke weed everyday," and it turns out that philosophy could be great marriage advice too [via The Washington Post].
A study at the University at Buffalo shows that domestic violence is
considerably lower among couples who get high together. Researchers
followed 634 couples beginning in 1996 and followed up with them
periodically to chart their drug and alcohol habits and their tendency
to get aggressive with their partners. Although other studies have tried
to tentatively link marijuana use to less violent relationships, this
is one of the few pieces of research to look at the effects over time.
Although there's definitely a correlation between getting stoned and
having a conflict-free marriage, researchers are still having difficulty
figuring out exactly why that's the case. Chronic marijuana use keeps
people pretty happy, so users might be content with their marriage even
if things aren't necessarily perfect. Pot can also stunt users
emotionally, which makes conflict less likely.
* * *
Any article that opens with a quote from Snoop Dogg, is automatically well written..but this line raises some eyebrows:
"Researches are still having difficulty figuring out exactly why that's the case"
Rreally? Have they tried smoking any weed themselves? I mean, seriously... is there anything it can't do?
3. D'oh of the Week
In the interest of fairness.. The Pot did not seem to help out this guy all that much...
Police: Naked, combative man arrested at Ore. hemp expo
GRANTS PASS, Ore. -- A naked man was restrained, sedated and jailed
after a disturbance at the Jefferson State Hemp Expo in Southern Oregon
early Sunday morning, police said.
Witnesses said the man was
damaging vehicles and fighting with people on the expo grounds, at 14390
Highway 238, according to the Oregon State Police.
First
responders at the scene "were led to a parking lot in a grass field,
where four men were restraining a naked, agitated male on the ground,"
said Lt. Gregg Hastings. He said witnesses told investigators that the
man had also "heavily damaged a vehicle while two frightened women sat
inside."
Timothy A. Seaux, 27, of Grants Pass, was still kicking
and fighting as he was put into a patrol car, Hastings said. Seaux was
then sedated by medical personnel and taken to a nearby hospital.
Upon his release, he was jailed on charges of criminal mischief, menacing, assaulting an officer and resisting arrest.
* * *
Top 10 things overheard at the Ore. hemp expo
10. Hey man, I've got a beverage here!
9. You are harshening my mellow, bro. Seriously.
8. You are marshmallowing my yello, bro. Seriously
7. Whoa, is that Brandon Frazier?
6. Love the hair and the beard, but dude needs to work on that uni-brow.
5. Whoa, I've never seen Dreaded pubes before! Oh wait, yes I have.
4. He must eat a lot of Kale. Hey Jezmond, pass me some Kale.
3. He's got some sticky stuck to his icky.
2. Did you see that guy's balls? They were weird.
1. I'll have what he's having.
4. Cumming Soon
I can't remember a trailer that has gotten me more excited than this one. Love Michael Keaton, so glad he's back, and this just looks amazing.
5. Looks Like We're Gonna Need a Bigger Tweet
I have to admit, I've never seen one minute of any shark week programming, but I found this to be hilarious.
Watch as Shark Week slowly drives this shark scientist insane
Discovery Channel's Shark Week tends to annoy a lot of shark experts. The channel invents mythical sharks that don't exist (like the 35-foot "submarine shark"), distorts shark facts, and wildly exaggerates how dangerous sharks actually are to humans.
But perhaps no one finds Shark Week more exasperating than David Shiffman. Shiffman, a PhD student studying sharks at the University of Miami, has made it his personal mission over the years to expose Discovery Channel's falsehoods and distortions.
This past weekend, Shiffman decided to binge-watch all of the Shark
Week shows aired in 2014 and post his thoughts on Twitter. You can see
his real-time descent into madness in this Storify stream, but I've selected a few of his greatest hits below:
For example:
Watching "Lair of the Mega Shark" — another pseudo-documentary about a fake shark
6. Golden Granny
If I make it to 101 (which I seriously doubt) you won't see my doing anything like this. In fact you won't see me at all. I will spend my time on my couch, doing any and every drug I can get my hand on. I mean, 101? At that point, aren't you just ready to move on? Not this lady!
Florence Storch will compete in Canada 55+ Games
An Alberta woman is going for gold this week at the Canada 55+ Games — and she's been alive for more than a century.
Florence Storch is 101 and will compete in the javelin event in
Strathcona County when the games get underway on Wednesday. She says age
shouldn't be considered when it comes to competing.
"You're not too old to compete," Storch said. "Age is just a number anyway so I don't have much fussing around about my age."
Storch, a resident of Hanna, Alta., started throwing javelin when she was 85 years old and her hometown hosted the provincial senior games.
"I volunteered. And my job was to record the names of the people who competed in all the events. Nobody for javelin. Put my name down. And I won a medal!"
As awesome as that picture is, I highly recommend following the link and watching the video, because it is stupendous. Surprisingly, she has amazing form. I haven't seen anything like it since..
7. #FF
@goatdoug
8. Slideshow of the Week
Much like the time I took a week off from work after getting the Clap... here are 18 people who made the best out of a bad situation...
Not all of them are good.. but I mean, check out this guy
So long, Rogaine!
9. Worst. Cockblock. Ever
On the dude's birthday no less! There's no mention of it, but if you read between the lines, I'm assuming these two ladies were "escorts"?
Man allegedly stabs roommate over loud threesome
A man allegedly stabbed his roommate several times after he complained he was being too noisy while having a threesome.
Antonio Flores Narcisso, 42, of Texas, kicked down his roommate’s
door after he got fed up with listening to him having sex with two
women, MySanAntonio.com reports.
Narcisso’s roommate was enjoying the company of the two women as part of his 35th birthday celebrations.
When the roommate yelled and told Narcisso to leave, he allegedly
grabbed a kitchen knife and stabbed the alleged victim numerous times in
the head, back and hands, according to CBS Houston.
The roommate was taken to a local hospital and treated for non-life-threatening injuries.
The two women in his company identified Narcisso from a police photo lineup the night he launched his attack, KENS5.com reports.
Narcisso was only charged this week with burglary of a habitation
with the intent to commit felony force for the attack after the May 8
incident.
He is currently in custody at the Bexar County jail.
10. This Animal is smarter than you
Proving once again, guys have no idea when a girl is faking it.. except for me.
Famous giant panda fakes pregnancy, gets nice things
I believe that is her "naner naner poo poo" face?
Officials called off the live broadcast of a giant panda giving birth because, as it turns out, she wasn't actually pregnant.
Ai Hin, a 6-year-old giant panda living at the Chengdu Giant Panda Breeding Research Center in China, had exhibited signs of pregnancy for two months. But the center realized she actually had a "phantom pregnancy," state news agency Xinhua reported.
The life of a pregnant giant panda living in captivity sounds pretty sweet, relatively speaking. She gets her own suite loaded with amenities such as air-conditioning, around-the-clock care and a serious supply of buns, fruit and bamboo. According to Xinhua, pandas with phantom pregnancies sometimes notice the nicer set-up that comes with initial signs of pregnancy and carry on with the charade.
"So some clever pandas have used this to their advantage to improve their quality of life," panda expert Wu Kongju told Xinhua.
11. RIP Joan
Have to admit, Joan Rivers was never really in my wheelhouse.. but she was funny, and she was a Jew. So she deserves her due. Nice "unearthed" interview here from Rolling Stone from 2012.
But the best tribute I've seen is from, who else.. Funny or Die.
One thing I will add after seeing all the stories about her last night, you have to give her credit for persevering, and for staying relevant for 50 years. As she said, her career ended several times over, but she kept bouncing back and reinventing herself. Perhaps my favorite quote from her that I heard last night though..
"If I were in Auschwitz I would have been doing jokes just to make it ok for us."
A true comedian and entertainer, through and through.
12. Move Over Statue of Liberty
There's a new Creepy Statue in town...
And as awesome as that Ray Lewis statue is.. his "acceptance" speech is even awesomer.
And, oh, you don't think the Statue of Liberty is creepy? Really? I mean, have you ever given it a close look?
That's a woman? I mean, I know she's French, but... seriously?
Yeesh. If that image doesn't haunt your dreams tonight.. I'm not doing my job. Oh wait..
13. FSF
A lil Good Ol' Grateful to start your weekend...
Get well soon, Bobby! Big year comin' up!
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