Friday, April 12, 2013

FreeFormFriday





--News You Can Use--

1. Weiners For All

Every headline writer had some fun this week at the expense of  the infamous NY politician.. but this one was by far my favorite:

ABC News - 32 minutes ago




Share. 0. Can infamous Twitter user and disgraced former congressman Anthony Weiner make a political comeback and be elected mayor of New York?
2.  PSA of the Week

Courtesy of our good friends at Faux News.


Here's sign # 1... you look like this guy:





3. Into the Wild

Courtesy of our "I'm the man from the mountain" correspondant...

'Hermit' nabbed after 27 years — and 1,000 burglaries — in woods of Maine


Kennebec County Sheriff's Office / AP

Christopher Knight, 47, dubbed the North Pond Hermit, lived in the woods of Maine for 27 years until his arrest on a burglary charge last week.
A hermit who lived in the woods of Maine for 27 years was arrested breaking into a camp and admitted to more than 1,000 burglaries, police said Wednesday.
Christopher Knight left home when he was 19 and his family never reported him missing. He's been holed up ever since at a makeshift camp near Rome — stealing essentials from nearby camps.
"He never left the woods," Maine State Police spokesman Steve McCausland said.



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But, wait! There's more!



Despite solitude, hermit had taste for fine things

Christopher Knight accused in 1,000 robberies

UPDATED 6:59 AM EDT Apr 12, 2013






The camp in a remote, section of Rome, Maine, where authorities believe Knight lived like a hermit for decades.


ROME, Maine —He would meditate on an overturned bucket while staring up at the sky and knew all the eagles that nested nearby.
But despite his 27 years of seclusion in the woods, Christopher Knight also had a taste for the finer things in life, authorities said Thursday after dismantling the so-called North Pond hermit's lair.

Images: Inside the life of a hermit

In the 47-year-old's camp, they recovered goods that included high-end L.L. Bean sleeping bags and a new tent.



4. Idiots of the Week

Well, maybe that's harsh. Maybe they just got unlucky.


Police Track Down NH Burglary Suspects Stuck In The Mud After Call To AAA

By Michael Rosenfield, WBZ-TV

GILFORD, N.H. (CBS) – Bad driving and a dumb phone call were the downfall of a boyfriend and girlfriend accused of breaking into a home and swiping thousands of dollars worth of jewelry and electronics.

When they tried to make their getaway backing up down a winding driveway, they ran off the road and got stuck in a ditch, according to Gilford Police.

They then called AAA to pull out their Toyota Camry.

“Stupid,” said Gilford Police Detective Dan O’Neill. “I mean how stupid could you be and to actually call for a service when you just committed a crime?”

Eel Removed From Man After Getting Stuck, Chewing Through Colon 

Do not try this at home. Do not try this anywhere. Just do not try it.

A man in China's southeastern Guangdong province admitted himself to a local hospital after he reportedly got a live eel stuck inside him. According to British tabloid The Sun, the man inserted the 20-inch-long Asian swamp eel into his anus after seeing it done in a porn movie, and he had to endure all-night surgery to have it extracted.

 

6. Hot For Teacher

You go, girl! You've gotta follow your dreams.. even if they take you to a strip club.

Emma Nicholson, Teacher, Quits Job To Focus On Pole Dancing Full Time 

Chris Rock once said that a father's primary responsibility is to keep his daughter "off the pole."

But Emma Nicholson, 36, would likely disagree.

The former primary school teacher from Hull, England resigned nine weeks ago to focus on her pole dancing career fulltime.

“When you’re influencing young people, it’s dangerous to stereotype as you can’t teach them there’s only one type of person," Nicholson said, according to the Sun. “All people are different and you shouldn’t judge.”

 

 

French study suggests younger women should stop wearing bras

Woman throws bras on March 25, 2013 at the esplanade des droits de l'homme, in front of the Eiffel tower in Paris, during a happening called by "Pink Bra Bazzar, a French organization fighting against and sensitizing on breast cancer.
Woman throws bras on March 25, 2013 at the esplanade des droits de l'homme, in front of the Eiffel tower in Paris, during a happening called by "Pink Bra Bazzar, a French organization fighting against and sensitizing on breast cancer. / AFP/Getty Images

A new French study suggests some women should throw their bras in the trash.
Professor Jean-Denis Rouillon, a sports medicine specialist from Centre Hospitalier Universitaire de Besancon in Besancon, France, published a study on Wednesday that shows that wearing bras may not prevent women's breasts from sagging, and may in fact increase it.
"Our first results confirm the hypothesis that the bra is a false need," Rouillon told France Info. "Medically, physiologically, anatomically, the breast does not benefit from being deprived of gravity. Instead, it languishes with a bra."


8. Actually not the first time..

That a man has died because of Beaver... zing!

Man tries to take photo of beaver; it kills him

A fisherman in Belarus was bitten to death by a beaver, and all he was doing was trying to take its picture, Sky News reports. The man spotted the beaver while fishing with friends at Lake Shestakov, but as he approached to take a photograph, the beaver bit him on the thigh. The animal managed to sever an artery, and his friends couldn't stop the blood flow.


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And in case, like me, you doubt just how dangerous those lil fuckers can be...


And while we're here..




9. She's Got the Moves...

.. and 40 Mill...

Grandma shows off 'happy dance' after $40m lottery win

 Maria Carreiro was over-the-moon when she thought she'd won $40,000 in the lottery. 

Then the 51-year-old grandmother from Toronto, Canada, discovered a few extra zeros and realised she had actually snagged $40 million.

That's when she broke out her happy dance.
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Doin' the happy dance.. feelin' the flo..


10. Battle of the Grannys

Who would you pick (40M not wisthsanding).. Dancin' Granny.. or Axe Wielding Granny? I'm going with the Axxxxxxxe 

Tree Falls On 79-Year-Old Woman Using Axe In Holliston


HOLLISTON (CBS) – A 79-year-old Holliston woman was rushed to the hospital after a tree fell on her in her backyard. Beatrice Wardford was actually cutting down the tree herself, using an axe, when the accident happened.
Her sixteen-year-old neighbor, Katelyn Springsteen, was walking home from the school bus when she heard the cries. “It sounded like a cat meowing. As I got closer I heard the cries for help,” she tells WBZ-TV.

--MUSIC NEWS--

1. Full Show(S) Friday

If I were to tell you that there were Three, South American Peal Jam shows posted in their entirety.. is that something you might be interested in?



2. The Dead Do The View

A nice "flashback" (pun intended) to 2009 when Phil, Bobby, and Warren made an appearance on the View... Thanks, Relix!

Phil Lesh, Bob Weir and Warren Haynes "Friend of the Devil" on The View

Back on March 30, 2009, Phil Lesh, Bob Weir and Warren Haynes appeared on ABC’s The View. There, the three performed the classic Jerry Garcia-Robert Hunter composition “Friend of the Devil” (and Lesh sang a verse that never made it into Garcia’s arrangement of the song). With all three musicians active over the days to come (Haynes performs with the Allman Brothers Band tonight while Lesh Rambles at Terrapin Crossroads and Furthur’s Capitol Theatre run kicks off on Monday), we’ve decided to revisit their appearance on the program.



I heard Bobby, Whoopie, and Barbara hit the town after in a acid-fueld, two-day bender. Where's the video of that?


3. Jigga What?

By now you've probably heard about Jay-Z and Beyonce's romantic getaway to Cuba... and perhaps even his new Song complaining of the fall out.. but.. have you heard a White House reporter quoting lyrics from said song in the briefing room? Well, now you have..





4. And In Music Movie News


Here's a biopic you should get black-out drunk for

Here's a documentary you should get fired up for

And here's another biopic that you should get dressed up for.. preferably in sequins




5. Wait, You Want Another Full Show On This Friday?

Greedy bastards.. Well... here. You're welcome.


Pro-Shot Video: My Morning Jacket – Atlanta – April 5th

Written by on 04.11.2013 | My Morning Jacket, Videos
Last Friday My Morning Jacket played their first gig since January and only show for the foreseeable future at Atlanta’s Centennial Olympic Park as part of the Final Four celebration. Jim James and Co. delivered a blockbuster two-hour set filled with some of their best songs.





--Movie News--

1. Behind the Scenes

Ever wonder how they made the dinosaur sounds in Jurassic Park? Me either.. but hey, now we know anyway. Spoiler alert: once you find out how some of them were made, you will never watch the movie the same way again.. For example, like this:


Velociraptors
The intelligent raptors appear to have their own simple language, and it turns out that it's the language of love. "It's somewhat embarrassing, but when the raptors bark at each other to communicate, it's a tortoise having sex," said Rydstrom. "It's a mating tortoise! I recorded that at Marine World … the people there said, 'Would you like to record these two tortoises that are mating?' It sounded like a joke, because tortoises mating can take a long time. You've got to have plenty of time to sit around and watch and record them."



2.  You Crossed the Line and People Died.. Now.. You Gotta Go Down!

It's official.. another bastardized remake is in the works.. and let me just say, I am 100% boycotting this one. You just don't fuck with a classic of this stature..


The Point Break remake has a director, is still happening

It’s been nearly two long years since we first learned of plans to remake Point Break—years we’ve spent only living to get radical, secure in knowing that news of its further development would someday roll in like the next tasty, symbolic wave. Today’s that day, with the announcement that Ericson Core, director and No. 1 trainer-recommended abdominal machine, has been hired to bring the film’s “Zen meditation on testosterone-fueled action and manhood” into the 21st century, where both the manhood and the meditation are far more extreme and possibly also involve parkour.

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"Zen meditation on testosterone-fueled action and manhood"... could very easily double as the title of my Autobiography.



3. Cruisin' For A Bruisin'

Pop quiz: Did Tom Cruise look like a real douche back in the 80's?
Answer: Of course he did!


Tom Cruise (Photo by Barry King/WireImage) 

Did You Know That Tom Cruise Used to Look Like This?



But wait, there's more!


Tom Cruise & Rebecca DeMornay at the Directors Guild of America in Los Angeles, California (Photo by Barry King/WireImage)




4.  Bringing New Meaning To Fisting...

Or perhaps reclaiming its old meaning.. either way, it had to be a porn star to do it...



Jenna Jameson 'used brass knuckle iPhone case to beat up her transgender assistant in salon'

  • The 39-year-old former porn star allegedly accused her assistant of stealing from her when the fight began
  • Assistant, who also has a brass knuckle iPhone case, claims Jameson punched her in the stomach and back
  • Brass knuckles are banned in the state of California but the iPhone case appears to be only a replication
By Nina Golgowski
|

Beat down: Jenna Jameson allegedly used a brass knuckle iPhone case, possibly the one seen in her hand, to hit her assistant in a California salon over the weekend

Beat down: Jenna Jameson allegedly used a brass knuckle iPhone case, possibly the one seen in her hand, to hit her assistant in a California salon over the weekend

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I do have to admit, that's the coolest iphone case I've ever seen... If I wasn't a conscientious objector.. I may buy one.



5. W.T.F.

Continuing to follow the most improbable rise to stardom.. Adam Mansbach's adult-kids-book is now becoming a movie.. And it's being written by the "I wanna dip my balls in it" guy... You just can't make this stuff up. I remember Mansbach from way back when, y;know, when he ended his Valedictorian speech with the mind-bomb : "God spelled backwarwds is Dog." Amen, son. Amen.


Author: Nick Venable | published: 2013-04-11 20:24:13
Go The F*ck To Sleep To Get A Movie Adaptation From Ken Marino And Erica Oyama image 
 
Some days, it seems like every other story on this site is about an adaptation of some kind. Young adult fantasies, mystery thrillers, romantic epics, comic series and video games are an endless river of original stories for filmmakers to swoop in and snatch the rights for. Truthfully, this is a process that is usually as frustrating as it is exciting, seeing as how often the visual medium can destroy the tone and narrative of the source material. But when that source material is the hilarious “children’s book” Gothe Fuck to Sleep, one has to wonder how a film could ever exist. 
 



-- TV News --

 

1.  Simpson Do Breaking Bad

.. And do it well. (Follow the link for video)

WATCH: 'Simpsons' couch gag spoofs 'Breaking Bad'

  • Last Updated: 12:38 AM, April 12, 2013
  • Posted: 12:37 AM, April 12, 2013

Fox/Hulu video still
The couch gag on this Sunday's episode of "The Simpsons" pulls inspiration from AMC's "Breaking Bad."

Marge is quite the cook.
“The Simpsons” spoofed AMC’s “Breaking Bad” in the couch gag for this Sunday’s episode, with the family’s matriarch raising money using her baking talents.


2. This year's candy-pink stove


The Mad Men articles are flying fast and furious this week after the season premiere (which I give a solid A).. but this one was the best.

(Warning: Spoiler Alert)

Mad Men on the Couch: A Psychiatrist Analyzes Don and Roger

Don Draper has reinvented himself time and again — yet every time he sheds his skin, the same old Don eventually emerges. In the final scene of the season-six premiere, we saw him hopping into bed with another woman, confirming that his fidelity to Megan was as short-lived as those bottles of Scotch in his office. Nothing, it seems, will ever satisfy this man: not his hard-earned success, not his "It" girl wife, not even an all-expenses-paid vacation to Hawaii. Can Don ever be at peace with himself? We called up Paul Puri, a UCLA-affiliated psychiatrist and avid Mad Men viewer who briefly analyzed Draper for Vulture last fall, and asked him for his professional opinion on Don's wandering eye, fear of death, and potential for change.


3.  Where Are They Now?

Wonder Years Edition!

I know what you are wondering, and no.. Fred Savage hasn't really aged at all...but this guy has:

Dan Lauria




4. Who Are the Ad Wizards...

Brilliant "album covers" for Arrested Development fans..



'Nuff Said.


5. LaChaim!

As someone who recently dipped back into Season 1 of the first, best sitcom of all time.. I found this a particularly nice read.



With so many new series popping up on streaming services and DVD every day, it gets harder and harder to keep up with new shows, much less the all-time classics. With TV Club 10, we point you toward the 10 episodes that best represent a TV series, classic or modern. If you watch these 10, you’ll have a better idea of what that series was about, without having to watch the whole thing. These are not meant to be the 10 best episodes, but rather the 10 most representative episodes.

Cheers stands almost alone in American sitcom history. It was on the air for 11 seasons and 270 episodes, and it was good for nearly all of that run. Its weakest season—the 10th—also contains some of its funniest episodes, and every time the show seemed like it was losing its powers, it would rebound with a great episode or stretch of episodes. Other shows ran as long—M*A*S*H, for instance—but they entered inevitable declines that all series that run that long succumb to. There were other shows that lasted for more than 100 episodes and were good for their whole runs—The Mary Tyler Moore Show—but those series also ran for a far shorter period of time than Cheers did. There’s a reason Cheers holds such a hallowed place for everyone from TV writers to the executives who put shows on the air: It defied all known laws of TV decay, and it joined a handful of sitcoms as a perpetual success in syndication, defying mortality as well.


-- Sportings News --

 

1. Bowled Over

Poor Greinke. He's fragile, man. He's very fragile. Especially when a 6'2", 240 lb monster gives him the King Shoulder Charge... Ouch.


WATCH: Greinke breaks collarbone in bench-clearing brawl with Padres

  • Last Updated: 8:03 AM, April 12, 2013
  • Posted: 8:01 AM, April 12, 2013
SAN DIEGO — Zack Greinke had his left arm in a sling and a dazed look on his face as he told his side of the story. Barely two hours before, the $147 million Dodgers pitcher was injured in a wild fight with the San Diego Padres that didn't even end when the game did.
Greinke broke his left collarbone in a bench-clearing brawl during Los Angeles' 3-2 victory Thursday night, leaving the Dodgers so furious that Matt Kemp confronted Padres slugger Carlos Quentin nose-to-nose as the two were leaving Petco Park.

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Even better -- the Carmelo Anthony impression afterwards from teammate Matt Kemp.. 


Matt Kemp, Dodgers enraged at Padres' Carlos Quentin


SAN DIEGO -- As the Dodgers were leaving Petco Park on Thursday, Matt Kemp ran into the player who sent him into a rage earlier in the night: Carlos Quentin.
In a hallway between the home and visiting clubhouses, Kemp stood face to face and exchanged angry words with Quentin, who charged the mound and broke Zack Greinke's collarbone in the sixth inning of the Dodgers' 3-2 victory over the San Diego Padres.
Quentin walked to the Padres' indoor parking lot. With the Dodgers' bus waiting just outside, Kemp left too. Clayton Kershaw caught up to Kemp and put his hand on his shoulder.
"We'll see, bitch," Kemp said as Quentin walked away. 

Let's just say tonight's game should be interesting...

2. It's Not Legal!

No, seriously.. how is this a legit play? Oh, I forgot..it's Lebron. He doesn't get called for things like violations, and fouls like mere mortals. (Follow link for video.. see below for gif)


LeBron James throws an alley-oop off the backboard to himself, no big deal

Miami Heat uber-star LeBron James is currently finishing off one of the best regular season's in the history of the NBA. It's been the sort of year that recasts not just his place in history, but the details of his own career. An amazing play is no longer just an amazing play — it also has to be something only LeBron could do.
This highlight from Tuesday night's game against the Milwaukee Bucks is a useful example. A little more than five minutes into the contest, LeBron helped turn a Mario Chalmers steal into a 2-on-1 break with his decidedly less athletic teammate Mike Miller. Instead of passing to Miller for what would presumably be an open lay-up, LeBron went with the more conservative option: a mid-air pass off the backboard to himself for the rare self-oop. A perfectly normal play!

The pass was even flashier than it appears from the initial angle, because James also changed hands in the air to make the pass with his left hand.





3. Gone Streakin'

The phony baloney Red Sox sellout streak is over.. nothing earth shattering there. What did catch my ear... is how a WBZ radio reporter immortalized it.. in a poem. Nice work, Mr. Stevens.



4. Heard About This Place They Call: Spanish Mike

This tweet sums it up:

Mike Tyson: "I was… so congested from all the drugs and bad cocaine" huff.to/10FxinZ


And while we're here...




5. Outed!

There's been lots of talk of a Pro Athlete "coming out" .. and now we know who the first one will be! Kudos to you, brave sir.



--Moments of Zen--

Well, if you made it all the way down here.. you deserve a special prize. So here's two things that are sure to bring a smile to your face. Happy Friday y'all.


32 contagious photos of animals and people experiencing pure bliss

Spring Break Lap Dance Fail



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