Friday, June 13, 2014

If It's Gonna Be That Kinda Party...

1. Like the Sound Of Angels Singing

Thats really the only way to describe this masterpiece


2. Almost Old Enough to Drink

Still old enough to make you move your booty.. awesome write up a few weeks back on the 20th anniversary of Ill Communication...


‘Ill Communication’ at 20: An Everything Guide to the Beastie Boys Masterpiece


Two decades ago, just about exactly this time of year, Beastie Boys released Ill Communication. Their fourth album, the last to be recorded primarily in Los Angeles before the crew came home to New York, wasn’t only the most seamless synthesis of what this strange band could do — 60-second hardcore and supreme ’70s flute rock and stoned jazz-bongo solos and, of course, good ol’ shit-talking rap music — but also, quite possibly, its most joyous. Herewith, a scattered appreciation.


First off-- Did you know the cover picture is actually some old file picture they paid some photographer to use?

ill-communication

The Cover

It’s not only the 20th anniversary of Ill Communication. It’s also the 50th anniversary of the cover of Ill Communication. The flick, from the camera of the one and only Bruce Davidson, was taken at the iconic L.A. drive-in Tiny Naylor’s in 1964. Davidson was on assignment for Esquire, and the cover was part of a set of photos that was never actually published. Reflecting on it for Juxtapoz last year, Davidson said, “[Someone] called and said, ‘We’d like to run a picture on the cover.’ I said I have to hear the music first. … I mean I’m not musical at all. I don’t go much beyond Bach, you know. Anyway they sent me a little tape of the music and I couldn’t make heads or tails of it. It was like a secret language. It was beyond the realm of my experience. So I called them back and said, ‘The music’s great. You can use the picture.’”

But of course the most amazing part.. someone finally found the origin of this sample, which to this day, is one of the most quoted lines of any album in the history of music...



3. I Pity The Poor Foo

Who doesn't love this guy:








4. You Can Paddle All Around


..in a pink canoe.. in the Big Rock Candy Mountain


This Is How Often Women Masturbate

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 Who has one crazy eye, a thumb, and likes to Audition the Finger Puppets all day long? This Gal riiiight here..


Clicking the mouse. Auditioning the finger puppets. Paddling the pink canoe. Finger painting. There are a whole lot of silly euphemisms for masturbation, and research shows most women over the age of 18 have done it at least once. But how often do women regularly masturbate? FiveThirtyEight crunched the numbers and found out.
FiveThirtyEight's Mona Chalabi analyzed Indiana University's National Survey Of Sexual Health And Behavior (NSSHB) to create an infographic illustrating how often men and women masturbate according to age. The NSSHB collected data from 5,865 Americans between the ages of 14 and 94 between March and May 2009.
While masturbation is a normal, healthy and (definitely) enjoyable experience, it looks like we have yet to shake the taboo surrounding women and masturbation. Perhaps unsurprisingly, men masturbate far more frequently than women do.
masturbate is great



So, if I'm reading this correctly.. and I like to think that I am.. it looks like you could use a hand? But seriously, "Paddle the Pink Canoe"? Never heard that but it is instantly my favorite sex-related euphemism of all time, nudging just ahead of Hiding the Gnome and Marinating the Giblets. What, you never heard of those?



5. Hm.. I wonder what's on the news today...

No need to wonder.. you could probably guess.. but let's head to the twitter machine to find out....




Another dog story tonight on #7News at 10 on cw56 instagram.com/p/o7OOxIMlpG/


Why don't I think of teases like that?


6. Star-Crossed Lovers

Among other things... of course, the UCB predicted this long ago.. but I can't seem to find a clip of it online anywhere.. just know that Matt Walsh and Co. did it first.

Scientist Says Relationship With Dolphin Was 'Sensuous'

It was just for scientific porpoises!*
A scientist who had a "sensuous" relationship with a dolphin in the 1960s has come forward to talk about the wet and wild experience in the new documentary, "The Girl Who Talked To Dolphins," the Guardian reports.
Margaret Howe Lovatt, now 97, worked as an assistant to Dr. John Lilly at Dolphin House in St. Thomas, according to the Telegraph. The aim of Lilly's work, partially funded by NASA, was to to study dolphin communication and explore the possibilities of communication between humans and dolphins.
In 1965, Lovatt lived in isolation for six months with a bottlenose dolphin named Peter in an attempt to teach the animal human speech.
“The ultimate dream was to have a Cetacean chair at the United Nations where whales and dolphins would share their ideas with us," Christopher Riley, director of "The Girl Who Talked to Dolphins," explained to the Express.
Peter never learned to speak English, but he did practice the language of love.
"Peter was a young guy," Lovatt said, according to the Guardian. "He was sexually coming of age and a bit naughty."
Lovatt said that at first, she would take the randy dolphin for visits with female dolphins, but that started to take up too much time, so she opted to "relieve his desires herself manually," the documentary states.
Her notes from the time describe how she and Peter bonded. From the Telegraph:

“New totally unexpected sequence of events took place,” Lilly noted excitedly. “I feel that we are in the midst of a new becoming; moving into a previous unknown…” As Peter became increasingly gentle, tactile and sensitive to Howe’s feelings he began to “woo” her by softly stroking his teeth up and down her legs. “I stand very still, legs slightly apart, and Peter slides his mouth gently over my shin,” she wrote in her diary. “Peter is courting me… he has been most persistent and patient… Obviously a sexy business… The mood is very gentle, still and hushed… all movements are slow.”


As awesome as it reads, I highly recommend following the headline link to watch the clip from the documentary, because hearing this seemingly smart British Marine Biologist talk about it is even better. By the way, is anyone here a Marine Biologist?



7. Is Nothing Sacred?

These damn dirty hippies will never stop till they've taken over ever inch of this planet with their dastardly deeds..and edibles.. and lubes..


Cannabis Lube Will Give You A Real Internal High

Don't end your night high and dry.
Get the new cannabis oil-infused lube, Foria, for a sexual experience that will either give you "multiple orgasms over a 15-minute span," or an insane craving for Taco Bell. We're not sure, but Nerve reports that Foria's vagina-safe concoction will actually get women high.
Foria uses a cannabis oil that contains THC and other cannabinoids, blended with coconut oil, for a "viscous, slippery, toy-safe" experience, according to Nerve. And it works! The site reports:
"The product works specifically for women because of the very sensitive and absorbent membrane of the vagina and entire vulva — inner and outer labia and clitoris included."


Okay, between that lead and the dolphin one, I think we all know where I need to get my next job. I think someone at HuffPost is a like-minded spirit.


8. The Brighton Tickler

No confirmation yet that he may be French.. and as it turned out , there's some concern now that this all may have been an elaborate ruse.. but it sure made for one awesome news cycle in Boston.

At Least One Victim ‘Tickled’ in Overnight Brighton Home Invasions

Boston police are investigating three overnight Brighton home invasions during which at least one victim was ‘tickled’ by a masked intruder. The break-ins all reportedly occurred within the span of an hour-and-a-half and within a quarter of a mile from each other. One Foster street resident, Boston College student David Master, told WBZ that his roommate woke up to the suspect “tickling” him.

“He felt tickling on his foot that he thought was the cat, woke up and there was a man crouched right beside his bed,” Master said.

 

Based on witness reports and sketches.. here's who I think is to blame..

We don't mind.. suckin on toes

 

9. Cumming Soon

Finally, at long last Jim Carrey is back where he belongs.. putting his fingers inside old ladies. God bless you, Farrelly Brothers.. God bless.


 

 10. FSF

I'm not one to tout Ratdog.. let's face it, normally they just can't hold a candle (or whatever else) to Phil, or Further or what have you. But last weekend at Mountain Jam I saw something I never thought I'd see..a set of Ratdog that blew my mind. And I was watching from the couch! I can only imagine how sick this was in person. I would just jump right to that 2nd set though when they bring Warren out for the Playin > Dark Star.. Also keep an eye on the dummer.. particularly during the Terrapin. He's a mad man.



Enjoy

 

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