Off the Throne

Summer is Coming

Which is sad news for Game of Thrones fans.. though not much to complain about after that amazing season. Anyway, if you pace yourself, all the post-game coverage may be able to keep your Thrones addiction satiated throughout the long summer, winter, and fall until next spring.. but let's face it, probably not. 


1. Grantland
 
First and foremost, if you haven't been following Grantland's coverage, you are missing out.. not only are there the Andy Greenwald recaps (who, for my money, is the best TV writer on the webs) they also have this awesome "Ask the Maester" series, where one of the staff nerds, er writers, answers all your questions about the show/book correlations. He doesn't spoil anything, but provides a lot of key background information that they just don't have time for on the show. For example.. who the F is this dude? Looks kinda like David Lopan ato me...

2. The AV Club

The A.V. Club also has some great Thrones coverage all season long, with recaps for both experts (book readers) and newbies (simpletons). Todd VanDerWerff is another great TV writer, but I'm still trying to figure out if that's a legit name..He had a nice post mortem here as well.. 


3. The Real Maester

Not to be outdone by the massive tomes of his work, Georgie Porgie gave an extended interview to Rolling Stone which they have finally posted en masse. Quite a read and covers pretty much everything you ever wanted to know about him but were afraid to ask.. for example..

Did you get out of Bayonne much before college?

We never had a car. My father always said that drinking and driving was very bad, and he was not going to give up drinking. [Laughs]

#WorldsGreatestDad


 

4. Quick! To The Pundits!

If recaps and interviews aren't your thing, there are plenty of "think pieces" out there on this season of Thrones.. as the pundits try to make sense out of that scene in the crypt, and just exactly who is winning the game.. The Daily Beast has your answer.

Valar Morghulis: Game of Thrones’ Women Are Going to Rule the World

Frequently decried as a feminist’s nightmare, HBO’s biggest show ever is setting the stage for a Westeros ruled by brilliant, badass women.

The tagline for the fourth season of Game of Thrones was “All Men Must Die.” We didn’t think they meant it literally....
In short, television’s bloodiest show had its bloodiest season yet—and for the few surviving male characters, winter is definitely coming. But if you’re a woman of Westeros, the fifth season of HBO’s most-watched show in history is shaping up to be a glorious summer.
Entire treatises have been written about whether or not the show is feminist or anti-feminist. On one hand, Game of Thrones features consistent depictions of strong female characters who frequently fight against the patriarchy of Westeros. On the other, Game of Thrones features consistent depictions of rapes, near-rapes, and are-they-or-aren’t-they rapes perpetrated against those same “empowered” female characters.



5. Before They Were Kings

Perhaps the best Thrones related content of the week comes to us from aol.com. (Wait, what? AOL is still a thing? (yes, just ask your mom))... anyway, in case you were wondering how you recognize some of the actors, they put together a handy "Where Were They Then?" video, showing some of stars before they were Stars. Of course, I would argue that Charles Dance was a star long before this show came out.. I mean.. HE'S SADUM NOOMSY!  But some of the other ones are intriguing.


6. Nerd Alert!
And just when you thought you'd met the biggest nerd in the world.. there's this guy. (from our Khalakka dothrae mr’anha correspondant)


7. Equal Opportunity

Of course, as Beavis and Butthead used to say, 'If I wanted to like, read.. I would go to school".. so if long reads aren't your thing.. there's always this... 


8. That 70's Show

GoT..for a simple time...

9. TGIF

So much awesome happened this year it's hard to really choose the best part of the season.. except it's actually really easy once you've seen this deleted scene

10. FSF

Of course, there's only one good thing about Thrones ending.. and Summer coming...

These Guys:

If It's Gonna Be That Kinda Party...

1. Like the Sound Of Angels Singing

Thats really the only way to describe this masterpiece


2. Almost Old Enough to Drink

Still old enough to make you move your booty.. awesome write up a few weeks back on the 20th anniversary of Ill Communication...

‘Ill Communication’ at 20: An Everything Guide to the Beastie Boys Masterpiece

Two decades ago, just about exactly this time of year, Beastie Boys released Ill Communication. Their fourth album, the last to be recorded primarily in Los Angeles before the crew came home to New York, wasn’t only the most seamless synthesis of what this strange band could do — 60-second hardcore and supreme ’70s flute rock and stoned jazz-bongo solos and, of course, good ol’ shit-talking rap music — but also, quite possibly, its most joyous. Herewith, a scattered appreciation.


First off-- Did you know the cover picture is actually some old file picture they paid some photographer to use?

The Cover

It’s not only the 20th anniversary of Ill Communication. It’s also the 50th anniversary of the cover of Ill Communication. The flick, from the camera of the one and only Bruce Davidson, was taken at the iconic L.A. drive-in Tiny Naylor’s in 1964. Davidson was on assignment for Esquire, and the cover was part of a set of photos that was never actually published. Reflecting on it for Juxtapoz last year, Davidson said, “[Someone] called and said, ‘We’d like to run a picture on the cover.’ I said I have to hear the music first. … I mean I’m not musical at all. I don’t go much beyond Bach, you know. Anyway they sent me a little tape of the music and I couldn’t make heads or tails of it. It was like a secret language. It was beyond the realm of my experience. So I called them back and said, ‘The music’s great. You can use the picture.’”

But of course the most amazing part.. someone finally found the origin of this sample, which to this day, is one of the most quoted lines of any album in the history of music...

3. I Pity The Poor Foo

Who doesn't love this guy:

 

4. You Can Paddle All Around


..in a pink canoe.. in the Big Rock Candy Mountain

This Is How Often Women Masturbate

 Who has one crazy eye, a thumb, and likes to Audition the Finger Puppets all day long? This Gal riiiight here..

Clicking the mouse. Auditioning the finger puppets. Paddling the pink canoe. Finger painting. There are a whole lot of silly euphemisms for masturbation, and research shows most women over the age of 18 have done it at least once. But how often do women regularly masturbate? FiveThirtyEight crunched the numbers and found out.
FiveThirtyEight's Mona Chalabi analyzed Indiana University's National Survey Of Sexual Health And Behavior (NSSHB) to create an infographic illustrating how often men and women masturbate according to age. The NSSHB collected data from 5,865 Americans between the ages of 14 and 94 between March and May 2009.
While masturbation is a normal, healthy and (definitely) enjoyable experience, it looks like we have yet to shake the taboo surrounding women and masturbation. Perhaps unsurprisingly, men masturbate far more frequently than women do.




So, if I'm reading this correctly.. and I like to think that I am.. it looks like you could use a hand? But seriously, "Paddle the Pink Canoe"? Never heard that but it is instantly my favorite sex-related euphemism of all time, nudging just ahead of Hiding the Gnome and Marinating the Giblets. What, you never heard of those?



5. Hm.. I wonder what's on the news today...

No need to wonder.. you could probably guess.. but let's head to the twitter machine to find out....

Sarah French @SarahSFrench

Another dog story tonight on #7News at 10 on cw56 instagram.com/p/o7OOxIMlpG/


Why don't I think of teases like that?


6. Star-Crossed Lovers

Among other things... of course, the UCB predicted this long ago.. but I can't seem to find a clip of it online anywhere.. just know that Matt Walsh and Co. did it first.

Scientist Says Relationship With Dolphin Was 'Sensuous'

It was just for scientific porpoises!*
A scientist who had a "sensuous" relationship with a dolphin in the 1960s has come forward to talk about the wet and wild experience in the new documentary, "The Girl Who Talked To Dolphins," the Guardian reports.
Margaret Howe Lovatt, now 97, worked as an assistant to Dr. John Lilly at Dolphin House in St. Thomas, according to the Telegraph. The aim of Lilly's work, partially funded by NASA, was to to study dolphin communication and explore the possibilities of communication between humans and dolphins.
In 1965, Lovatt lived in isolation for six months with a bottlenose dolphin named Peter in an attempt to teach the animal human speech.
“The ultimate dream was to have a Cetacean chair at the United Nations where whales and dolphins would share their ideas with us," Christopher Riley, director of "The Girl Who Talked to Dolphins," explained to the Express.
Peter never learned to speak English, but he did practice the language of love.
"Peter was a young guy," Lovatt said, according to the Guardian. "He was sexually coming of age and a bit naughty."
Lovatt said that at first, she would take the randy dolphin for visits with female dolphins, but that started to take up too much time, so she opted to "relieve his desires herself manually," the documentary states.
Her notes from the time describe how she and Peter bonded. From the Telegraph:

“New totally unexpected sequence of events took place,” Lilly noted excitedly. “I feel that we are in the midst of a new becoming; moving into a previous unknown…” As Peter became increasingly gentle, tactile and sensitive to Howe’s feelings he began to “woo” her by softly stroking his teeth up and down her legs. “I stand very still, legs slightly apart, and Peter slides his mouth gently over my shin,” she wrote in her diary. “Peter is courting me… he has been most persistent and patient… Obviously a sexy business… The mood is very gentle, still and hushed… all movements are slow.”


As awesome as it reads, I highly recommend following the headline link to watch the clip from the documentary, because hearing this seemingly smart British Marine Biologist talk about it is even better. By the way, is anyone here a Marine Biologist?

7. Is Nothing Sacred?

These damn dirty hippies will never stop till they've taken over ever inch of this planet with their dastardly deeds..and edibles.. and lubes..

Cannabis Lube Will Give You A Real Internal High

Don't end your night high and dry.
Get the new cannabis oil-infused lube, Foria, for a sexual experience that will either give you "multiple orgasms over a 15-minute span," or an insane craving for Taco Bell. We're not sure, but Nerve reports that Foria's vagina-safe concoction will actually get women high.
Foria uses a cannabis oil that contains THC and other cannabinoids, blended with coconut oil, for a "viscous, slippery, toy-safe" experience, according to Nerve. And it works! The site reports:
"The product works specifically for women because of the very sensitive and absorbent membrane of the vagina and entire vulva — inner and outer labia and clitoris included."


Okay, between that lead and the dolphin one, I think we all know where I need to get my next job. I think someone at HuffPost is a like-minded spirit.


8. The Brighton Tickler

No confirmation yet that he may be French.. and as it turned out , there's some concern now that this all may have been an elaborate ruse.. but it sure made for one awesome news cycle in Boston.

At Least One Victim ‘Tickled’ in Overnight Brighton Home Invasions

Boston police are investigating three overnight Brighton home invasions during which at least one victim was ‘tickled’ by a masked intruder. The break-ins all reportedly occurred within the span of an hour-and-a-half and within a quarter of a mile from each other. One Foster street resident, Boston College student David Master, told WBZ that his roommate woke up to the suspect “tickling” him.

“He felt tickling on his foot that he thought was the cat, woke up and there was a man crouched right beside his bed,” Master said.

 

Based on witness reports and sketches.. here's who I think is to blame..

We don't mind.. suckin on toes

 

9. Cumming Soon

Finally, at long last Jim Carrey is back where he belongs.. putting his fingers inside old ladies. God bless you, Farrelly Brothers.. God bless.

 

 10. FSF

I'm not one to tout Ratdog.. let's face it, normally they just can't hold a candle (or whatever else) to Phil, or Further or what have you. But last weekend at Mountain Jam I saw something I never thought I'd see..a set of Ratdog that blew my mind. And I was watching from the couch! I can only imagine how sick this was in person. I would just jump right to that 2nd set though when they bring Warren out for the Playin > Dark Star.. Also keep an eye on the dummer.. particularly during the Terrapin. He's a mad man.

Enjoy

 

There's an air of love and of happiness

1. #FF

As you've probably gleaned by now, headline writers have found a new living on The Twitter. Their mission should they choose to accept it, craft a headline in 140 characters or less that sounds intriguing, fascinating, spell-binding. Of course, more often then not, when you click the link, the results are less than spectacular. That's where @SavedYouAClick comes in...

For example:

Saved You A Click @SavedYouAClick  ·  3h

Jobs above pre-crisis level. Tied for longest consecutive growth streak RT @UpshotNYT: Two milestones in jobs report, writes @JustinWolfers

Saved You A Click ‏@SavedYouAClick

Because he has a deal with Powerade. RT @SInow: Gatorade trolled LeBron James after he left Game 1 early with cramps:

Saved You A Click @SavedYouAClick  ·  4h

You're doing it wrong. MT @Salon: This helps explain why you can't get your female partner off

Okay maybe that last one you should still click through... not that I need any help, but..

2. TGIF

Special thanks to, where else, Masshole Sports, for the Gif of not only the week..perhaps the century. Poor Lebron, cramping up at the most inopportune time.. (It's probably menstrual)

3. FSF

Just audio today, as I recently had the pleasure of re-discovering this gem. Was the perfect soundtrack for a little hour long drive to allow Julius to nap. He had a great time in the back seat, Daddy had a great time in the front seat.. and all was right with the world. I forgot just how nasty that Dark Star Medley 1st set was... non-stop headie-ness. Enjoy

Phil & Phriends 04.17.99The Warfield - San Francisco, CA

Source: SBD

NOTE:
Trey Anastasio (Phish): Guitar, vocals
Page McConnell (Phish): Grand Piano & organ, vocals
John Molo (Other Ones): Drums
Phil Lesh (Grateful Dead, Other Ones): Lead Bass, vocals
Steve Kimock (Zero, SK&F, KVHW, Other Ones): Guitars
Special Guest: Donna Jean Godchaux

Disc I
Set I
1. Dark Star (instrumental) >
2. It's Up to You (instrumental) >
3. Days Between >
4. Dark Star (V1) >
5. My Favorite Things (instrumental)
6. Mississippi Halfstep Uptown Toodeloo*
*w/Donna Jean Godchaux

Disc II
1. Bird Song*
Set II
2. Terrapin Station >
3. Down With Disease >
4. Dark Star (V2)
5. Friend of the Devil
*w/Donna Jean Godchaux

Disc III
1. Casey Jones
2. Morning Dew >
3. Goin' Down the Road Feelin' Bad* > And We Bid You Goodnight
Encore:
4. Box of Rain
*w/Donna Jean Godchaux 

4. Unearthed Gem/Jam of the Week

Have to admit, I'm not up on my 20th century violinists, but based on this article..this jam was kind of a big deal. Either way, the results are delicious

Hear Lost Recording of Pink Floyd Playing with Jazz Violinist Stéphane Grappelli on “Wish You Were Here”

Those of you deeply into both jazz violin and progressive rock no doubt jumped right on the play button above. Quite a few more will listen — so experience has taught me — purely out of interest in anything and everything Pink Floyd has done. But on the level of music history, the track above, a version of the cerebral English rock band’s Pink Floyd’s well-known 1975 song “With You Were Here” prominently featuring a solo from the French “Grandfather of Jazz Violinists” Stéphane Grappelli, should fascinate just about anyone. It speaks to the particular kind of high-profile musical experimentalism that thrived in that era, at least in some quarters — or, rather, in some studios. In this case, the Grappelli and the Floyd boys found themselves recording in adjacent ones. Why would the latter invite the former, already an elder statesman of jazz and a collaborator with the likes of Django Reinhardt, to sit in on a session? (Watch Django and Grappelli play together in the 1938 film, Jazz Hot here.) Well… why not? They needed something impressive to follow Dark Side of the Moon, after all.
Still, for all the richness of the result you hear here and all the fan-hours spent listening to Pink Floyd’s Wish You Were Here album in the 35 years after it came out, the public never got to hear Grappelli’s playing foregrounded until Immersion reissued it three years ago. This long-lost but rediscovered mix of the title track marks, to the mind of Pink Floyd founding member Nick Mason, a marked improvement over the version on the original album. “I think that was the jewel in that particular crown,” he said to Sonic Reality. “It was something that I assumed had been lost forever. I thought we’d recorded over it. [ … ] I can’t imagine why we didn’t use it at the time.” In the one they did use at the time, what remains of Grappelli’s playing came out so inaudible that the album’s credits didn’t even name the violinist. I’d like to chalk up another point for the cultural revision made possible by our technological age, but alas, I doubt any sort of rediscovery will break true Floyd acolytes of their adherence to the canon.
via Something Else Reviews

5. In Your Face Bullock!

I have to admit, I loved Gravity. Thought it should have won best picture (disclaimer: I don't watch that aahtsy shit).. but after seeing this, I may have to rethink a few things...

Here's Everything Wrong With 'Gravity' As Told By Neil deGrasse Tyson

Astrophysicist and "Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey" host Neil deGrasse Tyson was quick to point out the inaccuracies of "Gravity" on his Twitter account when it premiered last fall. About eight months later, Tyson revisted his grievances, teaming up with CinemaSins to point out everything that's wrong with the film. Some of the sins focus on actual science -- anything that Tyson says during the video -- while others focus more on points like how the movie expects us to believe that any woman would run off on George Clooney. It's quite informative:

 

6. Life Lessons

 Everything I ever needed to know, I learned from Seinfeld. And now, there's proof!

 Most importantly:

It’s not a lie if you believe it.

 

7. Hard Hitting Journalism

Ever wonder what happened when a mild mannered reporter heads to the Rocky Mountain High state for a lil hands-on journalism? Well here's your answer... 

 

Don’t Harsh Our Mellow, Dude

Maureen Dowd

The caramel-chocolate flavored candy bar looked so innocent, like the Sky Bars I used to love as a child.

Sitting in my hotel room in Denver, I nibbled off the end and then, when nothing happened, nibbled some more. I figured if I was reporting on the social revolution rocking Colorado in January, the giddy culmination of pot Prohibition, I should try a taste of legal, edible pot from a local shop.

What could go wrong with a bite or two?

Everything, as it turned out.

Not at first. For an hour, I felt nothing. I figured I’d order dinner from room service and return to my more mundane drugs of choice, chardonnay and mediocre-movies-on-demand.

But then I felt a scary shudder go through my body and brain. I barely made it from the desk to the bed, where I lay curled up in a hallucinatory state for the next eight hours. I was thirsty but couldn’t move to get water. Or even turn off the lights. I was panting and paranoid, sure that when the room-service waiter knocked and I didn’t answer, he’d call the police and have me arrested for being unable to handle my candy.

I strained to remember where I was or even what I was wearing, touching my green corduroy jeans and staring at the exposed-brick wall. As my paranoia deepened, I became convinced that I had died and no one was telling me.

It took all night before it began to wear off, distressingly slowly. The next day, a medical consultant at an edibles plant where I was conducting an interview mentioned that candy bars like that are supposed to be cut into 16 pieces for novices; but that recommendation hadn’t been on the label.

 

 Okay, I know it sounds scary..but did you know, Dan Rather did HEROIN for a story!??! Yep, ye ole' H-Bomb. Now that's a journalist.

 You read that right. The revered CBS anchor did smack for a report when he worked for a radio station in Houston in the 1950s. After a group of musicians visiting the city were busted for heroin possession, Rather went down to the police station and convinced the pigs to inject him. “I said it would be a good story to get some heroin—[though] I had no idea how to get it—and then describe how you feel,” he told Business Insider in 2012. “And so I did that with the help of the police in the police station. Hard to imagine these days, but I knew these guys pretty well.” Rather told Bravo’s Andy Cohen one dance with black tar was enough because “It gave me a hell of a headache.” 

 

 

8. Photoshop Win of the Week

File under: certain things you can't unsee 

Here’s what a bunch of dudes would look like with Zooey Deschanel’s eyes

 

9. What's in the Box?

Finally, one of cinema's great unanswered questions.. gets answered.

 

10. The Best Long Read You Never Thought You Needed

 

But you most certainly do.. may I present, the real life story of Deebo. Shit is off the hook

 

Say Hello to the Bad Guy

The life and times of Hollywood heavy Tommy ‘Tiny’ Lister, better known as Deebo

My favorite part:

“He can go from that innocent look to absolute danger in a blink of an eye,” says Eric Roberts, Lister’s costar in four films. “When he looks angry, you feel anger.”

I love that Eric Roberts has co-starred in 4 films with him.. of course he has.

 

And while we're here..

 

 Happy Friday Yawl!