Friday, August 22, 2014

Quite Bootylicious

1. TGIF

Why I Want To Be Nicki Minaj's Ass


Full disclosure.. I have never heard a Nicki Minaj song, or seen one of her videos.. But perhaps that should change...



2. Helpful Tips

In case you've been living under a rock, there's been some "unrest" in the small town of Ferguson, Missouri lately.. after an unarmed black teenager was shot and killed by police. We won't go into the details of the case, but we do know this all could have been avoided if he followed these friendly pointers.. courtesy of The Onion.

Tips For Being An Unarmed Black Teen

With riots raging in Ferguson, MO following the shooting death by police of an unarmed African-American youth, the nation has turned its eyes toward social injustice and the continuing crisis of race relations. Here are The Onion’s tips for being an unarmed black teen in America:
  • Shy away from dangerous, heavily policed areas.
  • Avoid swaggering or any other confident behavior that suggests you are not completely subjugated.
  • Be sure not to pick up any object that could be perceived by a police officer as a firearm, such as a cell phone, a food item, or nothing.
  • Explain in clear and logical terms that you do not enjoy being shot, and would prefer that it not happen.
  • Don’t let society stereotype you as a petty criminal. Remember that you can be seen as so much more, from an armed robbery suspect, to a rape suspect, to a murder suspect.
  • Try to see it from a police officer’s point of view: You may be unarmed, but you’re also black.
  • Avoid wearing clothing associated with the gang lifestyle, such as shirts and pants.
  • Revel in the fact that by simply existing, you exert a threatening presence over the nation’s police force.
  • Be as polite and straightforward as possible when police officers are kicking the shit out of you.

Of course, the best thing to come out of Ferguson this week.. is clearly this.


3. Reunion of the Week

There's just something magical when Walter White and Pinkman get together..but they may have been upstaged a bit by old friend, Elaine in this video. Her expression when she talks about not getting recognized.. priceless. The best part, now we don't have to watch the Emmys because we've already seen the best part of it.





4. Mug Shot(s) of the Week

It's hard to top the sheer classiness of Rick Perry's..





But this dude from Maine is instantly in the Mug Shot Hall of Fame




4. And Speaking of Washed Up Republicans

For someone who walks like a robot, I'm surprised it took so long for him to figure this out.. but damn, if he had done this back in 2008..who knows?





5. Cover of the Week

Well done, Beck




6. Ice, Ice Baby

No offense, but I was getting sick of all these Ice Bucket challenges..until I saw this compilation of fails...

My personal favorite:



A Compilation Of People Fucking Up The Ice Bucket Challenge



Now that we're back on board, check out the official winner of the Ice Bucket Challenge.. the Foo Fighters..



7. Nerd Alert

What happens when Bill Simmons and friends hit up the National Convention of Sports Nerds, uhm, I mean, Memorabilia? Magic happens..


For example:

14700316319_7a539a3f97_o

BS: This doesn’t seem like a form letter at all.
RB: There’s nothing better than ending a letter with “Good luck to you and.” Nothing.



And while we're here... I wonder if any of these were at that convention.. If so, I'm going in 2015. This would look real nice next to all the bobbleheads on my desk at work.



​13 More Of The Most Pointless Action Figures Ever Made
5) The Meat, Rocky
Every time someone does a list of the worst/insane/crappy action figures of all time list on the internet, they include The Meat from the Rocky toyline. As well they should; it's a terrible accessory that's being sold as an action figure, and it's insulting. And tragically it's still less horrible than Destroyed Cassandra.




8. You Don't Fuck With Sulu

He's got an answer for everything..



9. Headline of the Week

I don't even know what this means.. and I've read the article!

New York's Sexiest Kosher Corsets

 

10.  Balls Out

In case you were wondering how that whole Donald Sterling/Clippers thing played out.. it played out magically.

 

11.  PSA of the Week

Just in case you were having trouble..

 

12. Deep Thoughts..

 with Nick Offerman. Eat your heart out Jack Handy 

 

13. FSF

Firing up the way back machine for a lil Dire Straits.. so 80's. So awesome. Enjoy!

 

I think I just found my halloween costume ; ) Anything with a headband is key...


Happy Friday Yawl!

-Z

 

 

Friday, August 15, 2014

Take Me To Another Place

1. Music City Recap

Sorry for the interruption last week, but we were in Nashville for a wedding. Surprisingly, for a place called The Music City, I had never been. Had a great time, saw lots of musics, of course, unfortunately most of it was country. I will say, seeing it live, I did appreciate it more, but I wouldn't necessarily say I like it more. I mean, I do love this guy, whoever he is.




But any place where you can see a band in a bar at 10AM is A-OK with me.. even a place with this guy hanging on the wall.



Or this...






Not that I was drinking at 10AM, just, yknow, thats what I heard. But the best music we saw all weekend was of the Flamenco variety, when we checked out Gabriella y Rodrigo, at the historic Ryman Auditorium. Amazing venue, unbelievable acoustics, which played very well for an instrumental act featuring two (electrified) acoustic guitars. 





And while most of the show was instrumental, they did throw a few covers our way in a late-set medley. If you have never heard them, definitely check them out.





But anyway, the best part of Nashville with all due respect to my man in the cowboy hat, is the food. And not just food in general, one particular item. HOT CHICKEN. Apparently, "it's a thing" down there... as I learned first hand Saturday.. and Sunday.. and again Monday on the flight back.. Yeah, it's the real deal. Esepcially at this place Hattie B's which was a block away from our hotel. Had a line out the door all day and all night, everyday. Not that I went back there enough times to know that for sure..oh wait, yes I did.



And for those of you wondering..the answer is obviously yes. Hot Chicken + Nashville Heat = Billy Redface





2. TGIF

This week's GIF goes to the late, great, R Dubz. 




A lot of great reads out there this week on him, obviously. But this Rolling Stone Interview from 1998 is definitely worth a peak. Taken just before Good Morning Vietnam was released, 

Some things I learned this week about him that I did not know.. He was a classically trained actor who studied at Julliard. Which is easy to forget when he's doing shit like this. And also helps explain how he's able to do shit like this. Great entertainer, definitely an American Icon in every sense of the word. But I have to admit, we were done professionally after Patch Adams.  

I will say I always had a soft spot for the Popeye movie, despite the scorn it, and he, received. I actually own it on DVD and try to watch every year or so just for old times sake. If you haven't seen it ever, or in decades, it's definitely worth a look. 




3. Headline of the Week

While the headline certainly tells all you need to know about this story, it's worth a click through just to see the 2nd line of the story.. because that is obviously the most pertinent information to this story.


Man Dies After Vibrator Gets Stuck In Rectum


Posted: Updated: 




* * *


And a close 2nd. from our Motor Boatin SOB correspondant..

Spain: Woman arrested with coke in breast implants



4. That's My Pie

As a Father, this next story horrifies me. But as a human being, I think it's quite awesome.




Man Buys Every Pie at Local Burger King to Spite Shitty Little Brat

Man Buys Every Pie at Local Burger King to Spite Shitty Little BratEXPAND
Kids are annoying no matter how you slice it, but if they are crying their heads off and yelling "I want fucking pie!" when you're in line at a Burger King, the only natural recourse is to then buy every single pie in sight so that the kid just has to fucking deal. One man, a Gawker hero, claims on Reddit to have done just that.
In a Reddit thread labeled "offmychest," one user spins a compelling tale of buying 23 Burger King apple pies when he heard a young crybaby behind him yelling at his mother about wanting some fucking pie. What happens next will surprise and gratify you!!!!!!
It turns out it was so slow because they had 1 trainee on cash during the lunch hour rush. All I can think of is how the people behind me ruined my splurge and gave me this headache. I then decide to ruin their day. I order every pie they have left in addition to my burgers. Turned out to be 23 pies in total, I take my order and walk towards the exit. Moments later I hear the woman yelling, what do you mean you don't have any pies left, who bought them all? I turn around and see the cashier pointing me out with the woman shooting me a death glare. I stand there and pull out a pie and slowly start eating eat as I stare back at her. She starts running towards me but can't get to me because of other lineups in the food court. I turn and slowly walk away.
The man with the most pies and least crying kids in his face wins.


* * * 



Of course, I'm sure after he left the BK and went directly back to his mother's basement with all those pies, and locked the door. 



5. Long(ish) Reads of the Week

The Beastie Boys Long Lost Single

Where are they now: Bandit Edition

And in case you forgot, Tom Cruise is actually a great actor.. when he wants to be.



6. Real American Hero

Sure, he takes a lot of heat, and rightfully so, but did you know Bieber actually saved a man's life. Bravo, Biebs. Bravo.



7. Yay Science

Because us men needs things as simplified as possible, this kind gentleman has taken all the guesswork out of finding a mate. It's science, yo.





8. News Blooper of the Week

Not sure if it qualifies as a blooper really, since it made this newscast 1000 times more interesting I'm sure. But can we get this kid a contract somewhere?



9. Just Do It

As someone who tried Jogging, and decided "eh, not for me" this story is pretty interesting. Perhaps I will give it another go and make my own creations. (Spoiler alert: they will be Vaginas)


Female Runner Who Uses Nike+ to Draw Dicks Is an American Hero

Female Runner Who Uses Nike+ to Draw Dicks Is an American HeroEXPAND1
Most runners I know who are not also liars acknowledge that running sucks much (okay, most) of the time. Usually, I deal with how much I hate it by complaining about it to people who really, truly do not care. But one San Francisco woman has channeled that love-hate relationship into something beautiful: using the latest in satellite-enabled exercise tracking technology and her own running feet to draw pictures of dicks.
The American hero behind Running Drawing is San Franciscan Claire Wyckoff. To be fair, some of Wykoff's Nike+ drawings are not dicks — she recently made an Atari Space Invaders character and an extended middle finger, for example — but most of them are. Dicks of all sizes. Fat dicks, skinny dicks. Dicks who climb on rocks.
Over at Uproxx, Stacey Ritzen is pretty jazzed (jizzed? Oh, god. I'm sorry) about what Wykoff's been up to, and thinks it could have beautiful ramifications for future road race course designs. She writes,
The possibilities are endless. Dick 5Ks? Cock and Balls Half Marathons? PENIS-SHAPED MEDALS? As both a runner and purveyor of fine dick humor, my head is absolutely spinning with the possibilities.
Two takeaways here: first, this is literally the only reason I'd ever use Nike+. And second, I think I want to marry Claire Wyckoff.
Images via Running Drawing



10. The More You Know

Everything you wanted to know about Poop, but were afraid to ask.

My personal favorite:


3. Some people report experiencing an urge to poop when visiting a bookstore

18 Things You Probably Didn't Know About PoopEXPAND
Photo Credit: R.T. Gonzalez
It's called the Mariko Aoki phenomenon, after the woman who first publicized it in a 1985 essay. Here's Wikipedia:
Possible theories behind the phenomena include the smell of paper or ink having a laxative effect, the association with reading on the toilet at home, and the posture of browsing making bowel movement easier. The evidence for these explanations, however, remains weak.
* * *


I know one person who wholeheartedly agrees..






12. FSF

Game...blouses.



Seize the weekend yawl
-Z